Life, Ugh…

10 Nov

I’ve been in a little bit of a bad mood today.  I decided it was imperative to use one of my Jasmine Tea Blossoms that I bought in China since I finally have a glass mug to show it off.

I rarely use them, and even now can’t bring myself to finish the last little bit as the flower will crumple and such.  I’ll spend the rest of the day looking at it and then have to throw it away and the end of the day and it will be sad.

Why is my mood so poor today?  I’m worried about graduation.  I’m worried about what I’m going to do with my life after graduation.  5 years of college still hasn’t given me the slightest idea of something I can feasibly do.  I know what I want to do.  I want to teach literature and English to kids in other countries.  I want to write a book.  I want to knit.  I want to travel.  Each of those lofty goals requires me to wait, patient or impatient as I may be.

I was sitting in Sociology today, surfing around online as usual, when Professor Robert had us get into groups to discuss the movie we’ve spent the past week watching.  Its all about Jamaica’s economy and use/enslavement by the International World Bank and the World Trade Organization.  I have mixed views on those organizations, but I’m afraid between Political Science and Sociology this semester, my views are swinging into the negative as more underdeveloped countries are being used for production as the developed countries get ahead.  What really gets me is that these countries are slowly losing the rich cultures that have made them unique since the dawn of time.

But, that movie is neither here nor there right now.  I grouped up with Renée Farwell, who has spent an amazing amount of time in Ghana teaching, volunteering, and starting an organization that will care for and educate orphaned children.  Jealous.  This girl is seriously amazing.  She’s younger than me and has already begun this amazing adventure in her life.  She’ll graduate this spring and head back to Ghana to be with the kids whose lives she’s quickly changing.  She’s currently selling beaded bracelets the kids are making in order to fund the building of their new school.  How cute is that?

I’ve now realized that I am epically jealous and that knitting blankets for animal shelters, while still useful, in no way compares to the difference some people are able to make in the lives of others.
It makes me feel useless, like my life in no way is contributing to the good of mankind.   I have a desperate need to contribute.  Soon.

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