Archive | June, 2012

Formula Samples: 1 Jessica: 0

26 Jun

This lovely package came in the mail yesterday…
I was not pleased.  I got a little teary and a little angry… and a little clomid crazy.  But then I pulled it together enough to call and ask to be taken off of their mailing list.  I explained to the woman who answered that we were battling infertility right now and the last thing I want to do is open a package of formula samples.  I was honestly surprised with how calm I was.  She felt awful and promised I wouldn’t be getting anything else from them.
Then I hopped in the car and dropped them off at the women’s shelter down the street.  They were very appreciative, which made me feel a little better.

I don’t even care how they got my information.  I could have been anything.  A baby present I bought for a friend, a onesie I bought for my stache… I’m just a little too emotional for it these days.

Today is day 4 of clomid.  The heat here in the midwest combined with hot flashes is a real bummer.  I kept waking up last night soaked.  I think they’re worse than they’ve ever been before.  And I’m retaining water like a boss.  Jenn over at Future Fords is holding an infertility weight loss challenge.  I really wanted to participate and keep chipping away at this excess weight, but I knew starting clomid again would leave me with zero motivation.

I made it to kickboxing yesterday morning, but had to leave half way through.  My arms and legs just wouldn’t cooperate.  We’re almost through it though.  Another week of hot flashes and things should slow down a lot until I ovulate.

Also, my aloe plant divided and had babies.  I divided and repotted them yesterday.  They’re super cute and little.

18: 2, 3, 5,18,18, 24, 25, 6, 2

22 Jun

Cycle day 2.  3rd round of clomid.   5 days of clomid.  18 days until we meet with our RE.  18 cycles so far.  24 years old.  25 years old in 6 months.  2 months until graduate school.

I’m both sad and relieved to have this cycle come to an end.  It was a hopeless cycle.  But I knew that.  I had zero expectations.  I’m not going to lie, part of me was hoping for a miracle, but logically I know the chances of us getting pregnant this month were next to nothing.  It makes me feel better some how.  It makes me feel like I have more control.  I chose to not try to have a baby this month.  There is no baby.  I win.  Or something.  It makes me feel better, don’t judge me.

We’re back to temping and ovulation sticks.  I’m not going to lie, I really liked my alarm not going off at 6:30 every morning…

I feel a little more renewed as we get ready to start our 3rd round of clomid.  I know that this break did me some good.  I feel a little more on top of things.  I’m still deciding how I feel about seeing the RE.  The piles of paperwork his office sent over isn’t helping anything.  Nor are the questions.  Awkward…
I saw my acupuncturist yesterday and she knows and definitely recommends our new RE.  He’s very pro-acupuncture and he’s very passionate about what he does.

I finished Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter this week.  We’re going to see the movie tomorrow.  I actually really enjoyed the book.  I found it both interesting and amusing.  But then I also enjoyed Little Women and Werewolves and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies… 😉  I think it helps that I’ve read all of the originals.  I have to appreciate the way these authors take other works and turn them into supernaturally enhanced versions.  No judging.

Also, there’s a bottle of Pacific Rim Sweet Riesling chilling in my fridge for this afternoon.  Yum.

Giraffe Quilt

17 Jun

My niece turned 7 a little over a week ago.  She asked me to come to the zoo with her on her birthday.  I told her that if I did that her birthday present might be a little late.  She was down with that, so I went to the zoo with her and my sister and mom.
We had a nice day and walked ourselves into exhaustion.  Hooray for being 7!  I was 17 when she was born, so it’s crazy that she’s getting so big. 🙂

I finished her present last night…

I’m calling it Calli’s Giraffe Quilt. 🙂

The pattern is Amy Butler’s Belle Quilt without the borders and with an extra row on one side.  This one went so much faster and the quilting is SOOO much neater than my first quilt.  I think I’m finally starting to get the free-motion quilting down. 🙂

It’s RE Time

15 Jun

My ultrasound came back fine.  There was evidence of ovulation on my left ovary, but my right looks fine now.

We spent a while talking with Dr. M about our options and she told us that she would recommend we go see an Reproductive Endocrinologist.  She gave me another round of clomid to take in the meantime.  I’ll probably start it in a week and a half or so.  The RE she recommended is supposed to be very good.  I don’t love that he’s a dude, but if he can make this work, I’m all over it.

She told us to expect our first cycle with him to be monitored, and after that, depending on what he finds, he might want to try an IUI right away.  Our first appointment with him is on July 10th.  I’m glad we’re going to be seeing someone who should be able to help us, but this whole thing makes me nervous.  And sleepy.

On a whole other note, the praying mantises are almost 3 weeks old and starting to turn green:

I’m harvesting handfuls of chamomile daily:

And, there are a TON of green tomatoes out there. =)

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Cysty Ultrasound Day

13 Jun

We spent the first half of our anniversary at the beach yesterday.

And the second half in bed watching movies, while periodically rubbing aloe on each other after we fell asleep in the sun and didn’t put on more sunblock. 😉

OW!

In other news, I was adamant with my doctor that my cysts be rechecked before we start another round of clomid, so today’s ultrasound day.  I’m not nervous about it because there’s no way that it will hurt as badly as it did last month.  I’m still having twinges of pain off and on, but I’m really hoping it’s just ovulation pain.  Today is cycle day 22, so I have 2 weeks before starting clomid again.
I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I’m really hoping it will be productive.  I want a game plan for the rest of them summer and I’m going to push HARD for an IUI by the end of summer if the clomid still isn’t working.  I plan on making it perfectly clear that I want her to be more aggressive with our treatments.
Why move so fast on the IUI?  As of Monday, I have two forms of health insurance until December 31.   Two.  Both cover a portion of fertility treatments, so we’re going to utilize them as much as possible while we have them.

It’s a little scary to think of doing an IUI so soon.  We had planned on waiting until next summer to try our first one, but this makes more sense, so we’re rolling with it.. 🙂  It’s silly to go through this month after month when if we just tried something else, it might work.  We just want to have a baby.  At this point, how it gets here seems almost irrelevant.

That’s so weird to say that when just a few months ago I was lamenting that we aren’t going to be able to make one on our own.  It really bothered me.  Now, I just want this horrible situation to be over as quickly as possible.

I have to start drinking my 32 oz of water in about an hour.  Yikes.

My question for you ladies is:  If you ever had an ultrasound while you were NOT pregnant, did it bother you at all?  Did seeing your very empty uterus really suck?  That’s how I felt last time and am trying to look at it more positively this time.  Trying.

3 years <3

11 Jun

Tomorrow, Jeremy and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary.  In reality, it’s not such a long time, but with everything that’s been going on, it feels like our wedding was a lifetime ago.  We were blissfully ignorant of what it meant to be married, to be adults, and to struggle with infertility.  We were 21 years old.  Yikes.

We were crazy young when we got married.  Our rocky first year of marriage probably stemmed from that inability to understand what marriage really meant.  But we clamored through it with the help of an awesome marriage counselor and turned our marriage into one we cherish and are proud of.
I’ve mentioned before that I didn’t want kids when we got married.  I had no interest whatsoever and Jeremy just went along with it (hoping I would change my mind, of course 😉 ).  But once we got our marriage on the right track and we started caring for each other the way we should have all along, I started to desperately want to make a family with my husband, to create something that would be such a symbol of our love for each other and would complete our family.

I’ve never worried that our struggle with infertility would tear our marriage apart.  I love and support my husband and I know he loves and supports me as well.  We’ve become closer and stronger through this and I am so lucky to be celebrating my 3rd wedding anniversary with this wonderful man.

 

I also took the time tonight to finally upload our professional wedding photos to facebook.  It only took 3 years… 😉

CD13? Maybe?

4 Jun

It’s kind of the same old, same old around here lately.  I think I’m around CD 13.  Maybe.  I don’t even care.  I’m doing really good about not thinking stressing out about it think month. 😉

I’ve been working out and am feeling sore, but good. =)  We’re doing ok with our dieting.  A lot more fresh foods and WAY less processed and sugary foods are being eaten.  I’m counting calories again, not so stay under a certain amount necessarily, but to really keep an eye on what I’m putting into my body.  Sweet and greasy foods are starting to sound bad.  They also make me feel noticeably worse if I do cave and eat something bad for me.  All in all, I think things are going well.  In another month or two, I think I’m going to be looking and feeling really good. 🙂

We’re still waiting on news from the house with the blue kitchen.  The seller accepted our offer right away, but the seller’s bank is taking their time.  I’m told this is normal for short sales, so I’m trying to be zen about it.  Our offer got sent to the bank’s negotiator last week.  I’m hoping that’s a good thing.   I really love that house.  I’ve decorated and redecorated 50 times.  In my head. 😉

I finalized my graduated classes for the fall.  The feeling is so bittersweet.  I always knew I would go to grad school.  You can’t do much with an English degree on its own.  I just hadn’t planned on it being so soon.  I enjoy school.  I enjoy the environment and the learning.  On some level, I think I even enjoy homework because it keeps me engaged.  This is probably another reason teaching is a good profession for me.  I’ll never have to leave.  BUT, my classes sound interesting and I’ve already purchased half of the books.  I’ll get a nice head start.

I’ve been in the garden a lot lately with the nice weather.  There are little, green tomatoes, peppers, and pickling cucumbers growing in, and the chamomile is getting ready to bloom. 🙂  I re-mulched my walking rows yesterday and am really happy with how it turned out:
I’m also seeing lots of praying mantises every day.  I was really worried about them, but they’re hanging in there.  They’re a whole week old and already catching lots of bad bugs.  I watched this guy catch a little fly yesterday:

I’m taking the rest of the week to get ready for the Aurora Green Festival.  Our store is going to beast this festival. 😉