Tag Archives: children

Wisconsin Cysts.

9 Jul

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I’ve posted and my motivation is seriously lacking.

I finished up this month round of clomid and ended up with the worst side effects yet.  I felt horrible up until last Tuesday or so.
The weekend before last we went to visit one of my best friends and her family.  We wanted to see them before we see the RE this week, because we have no idea what he’s going to tell us.  I was pretty physically uncomfortable the whole time, but it was nice to spend some time with them.  They have 2 little boys. One is two and a half and the other is 10 months old.  I was a little worried about spending too much time with the boys, but they’re such happy kids that it was pretty nice to be around them.  The hardest part was seeing Jeremy holding the baby in church on Sunday.  It made me a little teary for a minute because my husband looks good with a baby in his arms.  He looked right.
We went hiking with them before we drove the 5 hours home.  I pushed my body through it and was happy to have done it.
 We were only home 2 days before we turned around and went back to Wisconsin to stay at my mom and step dad’s cabin for the long weekend.  My parents, sister, and niece were there too.  They’re remodeling right now, so not having AC in this crazy Midwestern heatwave was an experience. 😉  Not having access to the internet though, was surprisingly refreshing for Jeremy and I.  We both spent the time trying to recharge before seeing the RE this week.
We had another HUGE bonfire, although it was no where near as much fun as the two we had in February.
 Saturday, we visited a cute little winery that’s just down the street from their cabin.  We did some tasting and bought a couple bottles.
 Around the time this picture was taken, I had started feeling a little bit of pain in my lower abdomen.  I had ovulated the day before (3 days early, YEA!), and was hoping it was just from some super awesome follicles doing their thing.
By the time we got back to the cabin the pain was excruciating.  Worse than the last time I had to go to the hospital with my golf ball cysts… Jeremy hopped into the car and drove me to the closest ER, 20 minutes away.  They got us in relatively quickly and had to go about their blood work to check for a pregnancy.  I laughed a little bit.  I kept letting them know I was taking clomid and cysts were probably the culprit.  They’re such a small hospital that they had to call an ultrasound tech who lived an hour away to come check things out.
Meanwhile they were force feeding me water.. and not giving me anything for the pain “just in case” I was pregnant (I laughed again).
 The ultrasound might have been the most painful procedure I’ve ever had done.  No transvaginal probe though, which kind of made my day.  She found 3 HUGE cysts, 1 on the right and 2 even bigger on the left.  And no evidence of pregnancy. 😉  Duh.

After that, they finally offered to dope me up with some aleve and vicodin.   I was pretty happy from then on. haha.  Jeremy?  Not so happy that this was happening in the first place.  Not pleased to pose for a picture with his slightly high wife. 😉
 The ER doctor was older and just didn’t think a cyst could cause pain like that and wondered if one might be leaking.  But then, he didn’t seem 100% sure of what clomid does.  I assured him it wasn’t the first time and asked to go home.  They gave me a generous prescription of 20 vicodin, which I was able to fill at 10:30 at night in the middle of no where, Wisconsin at a PRESCRIPTION MEDICINE VENDING MACHINE…
 Amazing.  Chicagoland needs these.


My favorite part of this experience?  Out of the 2 female nurses and female ultrasound tech, all three of them had experience with fertility medications.  The first had a daughter who is pregnant with her second child using clomid, the second has a 7 month old that she conceived while on clomid and an injectable, and the ultrasound tech has 14 year old twins that she conceived using clomid.    All three of them were the most understanding medical personal that I have ever met.  They were sensitive and caring and wished us luck.  I’ve never met someone in real life who has used fertility medication to get pregnant and told me about it, so to meet 3 women with success stories on a night that I felt so incredibly defeated was a huge boost.

They understood how much we’ve struggled and how horrible these drugs make you feel, but they were able to offer such positive lights on the situation.  It actually made these cysts and this hospital visit worth it.   I really think it’s true that some people are put into your life when you really need them.  These women were wonderful for sharing their stories with me.

Soooo, we see the RE for the first time tomorrow afternoon.  Unless he has something super amazing planned, we’re going to refuse clomid again.  If it doesn’t work this month, we obviously need to try something different.  I’m far less nervous than I thought I would be, but then I have vicodin swirling around my body, and that just makes everything better. 😉  I really want to ask him, however, what it means that 50 mg of clomid is producing these giant cysts.  Maybe he’ll have an idea of what’s going on.

I’ll update you tomorrow.

Also… Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever peed on an OPK or pregnancy test?  Me?  Just off of US-39 North in the middle of Wisconsin…. 😉  It would have been so much more gratifying had it been positive. ha.

Change and Flexibility

20 Oct

I’m torn most days about the direction I would like to see my life go.  It’s scary to me that I’m only going to be 23, but there are already so many things that are very closed to me.

Everyday, I am more attracted to the idea of motherhood.  It’s the knitting of baby socks, sweaters, blankets, the idea of creating someone who is half of you and half of the person you love most in the world, the thought of being able to teach and show and shape another human being, the first steps, the sleepless nights, the first days of school — it’s alluring.  Is it anti-feminist?  I don’t think so.  It’s about embracing my womanhood and stepping into a new role and responisibility.  What could be both more powerful and more terrifying than having complete control over another human life?  Not much.

Conversly, how do I shake the things I’ve always wanted to do?  Things I’ve wanted long before motherhood entered my radar.  My M.A., PhD, being a professor, publishing, world travel, worldwide volunteer work… You get the picture.

And so, the real question is: What must be given up, and what is most important?
The answer:  Nothing will be given up and all are very very important.
How do I accomplish this? Change.  Change and flexibility will take care of everything.

My new plan you ask?  To produce the most cultured, educationally aware, and just plain kick ass kid ever.  What better education could there be than to watch one’s parents obtain higher degrees, to spend extended amounts of time abroad, learning the language and culture when your mind is like a sponge, to constantly volunteer to help others, to be well versed in Hemingway and Shakespeare before your 10th birthday, and to understand how to tear apart and rebuild a computer by your 5th birthday?

Just, you know, an fyi. 😉