Tag Archives: infertility

Embryos En Route

1 Jul

Our embryos have just embarked on their 10 mile journey to the new clinic.

They were picked up from Cary, NC 20 minutes ago and will be delivered to UNC in Raleigh tomorrow.  This is the last step in getting completely transferred to the new clinic.  And the last piece of the puzzle for our second FET.

While I would have preferred to transport them myself, I’m just thankful it’s almost done.  So If you have a minute, say a little prayer for our last 4 embryos.  These 10 miles will be some longs ones.

Leg 2

 

 

Advertisements

Oh, here it goes again

17 Jun

I know I’ve been off the radar here for the past 6 weeks.  Honestly?  I just didn’t know what to say.  I can’t get a handle on my emotions half the time, so putting it into writing would have been a hot mess.  I had nothing new to post as it took more than 8 weeks for my period to come back post miscarriage.
I was all ready to begin a week of provera when it finally started on its own.  The funny thing (and I mean this in a completely not humorous kind of way) is that I was without a period post pregnancy for longer than  I was actually pregnant. It was a relief when it started on its own because it felt like my body was telling me that it was ready to try again.  My body was actually ready before I was.  I still don’t feel ready.  But I know if I don’t do this, if I take too much longer, I won’t ever be able to.

I started my birth control on Friday.  UNC does 3 to 4 weeks of birth control, which puts our 2nd FET at the beginning of August.  About 6 weeks to go…

Today, I went in to have my 2nd saline ultrasound of the year done.  They needed to make sure everything was clear post miscarriage and, thank God, it was.  But I’d forgotten how much those hurt.  While they hurt during for me, I think the 6 hours afterwards are always worse.  I curled up on the couch and zoned out all afternoon.

They also did the mock transfer today.  This was one of the features of UNC that I really liked.  They do a trial transfer just to make sure there are no surprises on the day of.  If you remember my first transfer, it was an awful experience.  I was so crampy and so stressed out and Dr. T did NOT help things.  Today, after she got the speculum in, she was super encouraging and told me just to relax and breathe.  She did three trial transfers before I even knew what happened.  I didn’t feel a thing.  She was so gentle.  I’m pretty sure I told her that I love her.   And I do.  I’ve been in and out of this office a few times since we decided to switch to them in May and each time I see them, call them, or email them, I’m so impressed with the quality of their care.  I was carrying so much stress and fear about this transfer and I have to say that today they alleviated 90% of it.

Tomorrow, they’ll call with my FET schedule.  After that, I still need to have my embryos shipped.  That’s a process that deserves it’s own post entirely…

And outside of infertility this month….

My oldest little brother graduated from high school on June 1.  I got to fly up to see it happen. 🙂

10425904_717314554264_185274080_o

 

We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary last Thursday.  A movie was about all I could manage.  I love him.

 

10420444_719208548684_439282911_o

 

And we joined my Jeremy’s family in Kentucky this past weekend for the first annual family camping trip. 🙂

 

10484602_720167027884_1323245077_o

 

Ps. I’ve lost 7 pounds!  You probably can’t tell, but I can! 🙂

Embryos: Transferred

23 Mar

We are officially 3 days past a 5 day embryo transfer!  I’ve finally escaped bedrest, although suddenly all I want to do is sleep.  Go figure.  I blame the progesterone.

Last Thursday, Dr. T transferred 2 grade 3, 5 day blastocysts into my, hopefully, hospitable uterus.
32014 2 embryo transferThey’re gorgeous.  I got a little misty when they handed us the picture.  And then I got a little misty again when they took us back to the room and let us look at them through the microscope before transfer.  That may have had something to do with the valium they had me take…  But they are beautiful little clumps. 🙂  If you look at the left side of the top embryo and the top of the bottom embryo, you can see the holes made by the embryologist for the assisted hatching.  I just think it’s so neat that we get to see them like this.
The transfer itself was amazingly fast.  I couldn’t believe that we’d done so much to build up to and prepare for that moment, and then it was over.  They had me lay back for 15 minutes and then we were on our way home.  Other than my extremely full bladder, it was mostly painless. 😉

Bedrest was 72 full hours after I got home.  It wasn’t pleasant, but Jeremy definitely made it bearable. ❤  I did some knitting and did some reading and watched a ton of movies.  And waited.  And waited.  I still have another 11 days to wait before our first beta test.

I’ve had a bit of mild cramping and my progesterone injections sites are starting to itch. 😦 But other than that, all is well.  I’m hoping our little goldfish are getting comfortable and that we have a good 8 more months to grow together.     ♥♥

Drag

4 Mar

A frozen embryo transfer is so much different than any fertility treatment I’ve ever done.  With our retrieval, the 6 IUIs, and even the awful clomid cycles, what I viewed as my main goal was to grow good, healthy eggs.  With the IUIs and retrieval especially, I started to think of those follicles as pre-babies.  They were things my body was nurturing and taking care of.  With the later IUIs and the retrieval, they were something I could feel.  I was taking care of these pre-babies.  I was doing something proactive for them.  I felt horrible, but my discomfort was taking care of them, which made it all ok.

I mentioned before, how pleased I was (and still am) that we chose to freeze all 6 of our embryos and not try a fresh transfer.  I felt awful post retrieval.  It took me a good week to start feeling good.  It took me 3 weeks to lose the 10 pounds I gained after retrieval.  Now, here I am, doing more injections.  But this time, I feel mostly fine.  The side effects are almost nonexistent.  This time, my sole responsibility is to make my body as inhabitable as possible.  I  don’t have to worry about jumping from the process of growing eggs straight into the process of nurturing an embryo.  It’s just so different that I’m just worrying about my body for once.  The embryos are there.  They’re waiting like good little baby-sicles while we get this show on the road.

But that all being said, the word “drag” came to mind this morning when I was thinking about how I am feeling about this process today.

  • The time is dragging along.  2.5 weeks until transfer still.  Outside of the three months of lupron last summer, this is the longest cycle of treatment I’ve had so far.  It feels astronomically far away right now.
  • This is a drag.   These injections have been some of the worst I’ve ever taken.  The Lovenox is especially painful and is leaving some nice big bruises on my stomach. 4 down… 26+ to go.
  • I’m feeling so dragged into baby EVERYTHING.  I’ve had to really pull myself back and make myself slow down.  1 step at a time.
  • Is infertility going to drag along behind us forever?  It feels like it now, but I also know that I’m so eager to kick the whole notion of infertility straight to the curb.  I don’t want this to be who we are, who I am.  3 1/2 years is long enough.  Our 5th anniversary is in June. 3 1/2 years of that have been consumed with fertility issues.  I’m so thankful that it’s seems to have improved our marriage somehow…  I can see how it so easily goes the opposite direction sometimes and I’m so thankful we’ve been able to work through it.  But enough is enough.
  • Thankfully, I let myself be dragged to North Carolina… the land of babies.. 😉 And warmer weather.

I go in for another monitoring appointment on Thursday.  They’ll be checking my estrogen and my uterine lining and will decide then if they need to up my estrogen injections.  Slowly but surely, we are getting there.

1538109_703674264514_926684991_o

FET-astic

28 Feb

I know I’ve been fairly quiet over the past 2 weeks since we found out about our embryos.  Nothing has been keeping me from blogging really, other than the desire to just not think about anything fertility related for a while.  Other than popping a birth control pill at night before I went to bed, it’s been fairly smooth.  We still talked about the embryos everyday.  I still thought about them all the time, but I thought I should take advantage of not thinking about IVF for a while.  I’ve done some baby knitting, a bit of baby pinning, and a lot of baby dreaming.  In my mind, I’ve been skipping straight over the transfer and right to both pregnancy and beyond.

It wasn’t until last night that the thought of the FET (frozen embryo transfer) started to fill me with terror.  It was the same terror that IUIs used to fill me with. But worse.  Terror that it won’t work.  Terror that my body might kill all 6 of these babies.  Terror that if all 6 die then it will be completely my fault.

It seems silly and unfounded.  Before we moved to North Carolina, we were all ready to start an adoption.  We were all in.  And now, it sounds terrifying.  I think it might be because before, we chose adoption over IVF.  We chose to spend our money on an adoption.  I wonder now if choosing to forgo IVF was my way of protecting myself.  If IVF doesn’t fail, then my body hadn’t failed completely. If we skip it, that guilt wouldn’t enter the picture.  And then IVF plopped itself into our laps and it was too good to pass up…

If you can’t tell, I’m really struggling with guilt these days.  And I know I shouldn’t.  I know we still have 6 beautiful embryos frozen a few miles away.  I know I’m being premature and worrying about the what-ifs.  I know I would be perfectly happy with adopting a beautiful baby if this doesn’t work.  It’s the process of getting through this that’s really giving me trouble.

But we have to get through this before we’ll know what the future holds for our family.

Our FET cycle #1 is starting.  Today is cycle day 2.  Today, I started my estrogen injections (Mondays and Fridays), my lovenox injections (daily), baby aspirin (daily), and started using my estring ring.

My blood work came back with my estrogen a 6.0 and my uterine lining at a 2.  I’ve got a great, fresh base to work off of.

Projected FET date: March 20!!

9 Days Down and Pumped Up.

1 Feb

I’m not going to lie, I’m so ready to be done with this.

My arms hurt where all the needles have gone into the muscle.  My ovaries are THIS close to clawing their way out of my stomach.  And I am just so tired. 😦  BUT, we’re getting there.

Yesterday’s blood work came back around 925 and today’s came in at 1095. The nurse counted 7 follicles over 10 mm with a lot that were still a bit small yet, the biggest being 15 mm.  Dr. T came back and DOUBLED my gonal-f and menopur. 225 ius of gonal-f and 150 of the menopur, plus the ganirelix.  I know the ganirelix can push estrogen down, so I’m hoping that’s why we’re not in the 1200’s yet.  Hopefully the double doses of meds over the next couple days will pump up those follicles up like Arnold…

download (2)

I’m going to start envisioning that each of my ovaries looks like this.  🙂 Because it makes me want to laugh out loud. 😉

Back in for blood work tomorrow. Cross your fingers!

Apple Turnovers and NC Knitting

30 Jan

I’ve been to the fertility clinic 5 times in the past 8 days.  I’ve decided to make it a habit to go to a bakery and buy an apple turn over and a small cup of coffee after every blood draw/ultrasound.  After going to a few different ones, I think I’ve found the most delicious apple turnover in Cary, North Carolina: Once in a Blue Moon Bakery.  Seriously, the best I’ve ever eaten.  Sugar Buzz Bakery is a close second. 😉  It’s the little things, right?  And it makes blood draw/ ultrasound day a little less unpleasant.

And how is everything going?

So far so good!  I went in for blood work on Monday and they found my estrogen was just a bit lower than they wanted it (135) so they upped the gonal-f to 100 and left the menopur at 75.  I went back in Tuesday and my estrogen had gone up to 245, which is great.  My ultrasound showed at least 20 follicles all 7mm to 11mm.  Tuesday’s ultrasound was pretty unpleasant as I’m starting to feel my ovaries.  They don’t hurt unless they get pushed on, but it’s not the most comfortable.  And considering my retrieval is at least a week away, I’m assuming it’s only going to get worse.

Today’s ultrasound showed at least 12 follicles (she didn’t count them all) measuring between 8 mm and 13 mm. My estrogen came back at a whopping 753!  That’s a huge jump in just a couple days. 🙂  Starting ganirelix tonight to make sure no ovulating happens before everything gets nice and big.  They like to trigger when most follicles are between 18 mm and 23 mm.  We’re getting there!

Symptom-wise, my headache isn’t as bad as it was over the weekend.  It’s just dull and in the background now.  I am tired and super bloated.  I would love to just sleep for the next week.  I know i was bored pre-IVF, but these days I am so incredibly thankful that I don’t have to do this AND go to work.  You ladies who do both are super women!

I’ve been knitting up a storm for the past few weeks.  Want to see? 🙂

The floor in our new house is very… scratchable… And our dinning room furniture was in desperate need of a makeover… AND the dark furniture and the dark floors needed to be broken up…
Thus.. Chair Socks.  I just love how cute they are.  And they can go right into the washer and dryer. 🙂

chair socks

I started these before Christmas and finished them up a couple weeks ago.  They were an interesting knit, but I think I’ll do the heels differently next time.

Love Socks

Click for pattern

I made these for my mom’s birthday.  She got them on Monday, just in time to wear them through Illinois’s bitter cold week.

Mombirthdaysock2014

Click for pattern

I made these baby socks out of some left over sock yarn.  I made myself these socks a couple years ago and just love that our baby will have socks that look just like mine. 🙂

20140125_104709

Click for pattern

And finally, this baby sweater.  I bought this undyed wool specifically to knit during our IVF.  I knew I’d want to knit something baby related, but didn’t feel like trying to find a gender neutral color that I loved.  After I knit it and a matching hat up, I found I actually really liked the color.  It’s a soft cream color.  I might end up dying it later, but for now it’s going to stay like this.

Mossy Baby Sweater

Click for pattern.

I’m sure more baby knitting and sewing will commence over the next 6 weeks until we know the results of our FET.  It feels hopeful, like I’m putting good vibes out there and preparing for the best possible outcome.  We’ve been joking that if both of our embryos make it, I’ll have to duplicate everything I’ve made so far. 😉

Blood work tomorrow and blood work and ultrasound on Saturday.  More soon! ❤