Tag Archives: wine

17: Just Kidding.

23 May

I was obviously a resident of Crazy Town earlier.  My period started and it’s really Cycle Day 1.

No clomid this month in hopes that my cysts will clear up on their own.

I’m going to start a 10 day juice fast.

I’m also going to drink some wine tonight.  Because I can.

Advertisements

Obligatory Infertile Mother’s Day Post.

11 May

I’m in a lot of pain today.  From my bellybutton down, it hurts.  My doctor pretty much told me to take a tylenol and suck it up.  And she wonders why I feel like she doesn’t take me seriously… 😉  I didn’t have pain like this last month, but if she tells me not to worry about it, I’m not going to.  I’m just going to lay on the couch and whine that I’m dying. 😛

Clomid, I’m going to punch you in the face.  With my fist.  Hard.

I was at Target with my sister this afternoon.  They put baby swimsuits right by the books.  They were really cute.  =/

I’m in a funk.  And I’m pretty sure it’s stemming from Mother’s Day.  Last year was irritating.  This year it feels unbearable.  I haven’t looked at cards.  I’ve only briefly thought about flowers.  If I can get away with hiding in bed all day on Sunday, I’ll count it as a day well spent.

Honestly?  I’m angry about Mother’s Day.  I’m angry that we can’t celebrate the way we should be celebrating.  I’m angry that I’m in so much pain right now.  I have zero faith in my reproductive system this month.  Probably because we got our hopes up so much last month.  I’m angry that I’m putting my body through this, but know I would be kicking myself if we didn’t try our hardest.  I went to freaking Texas so we could give it our best shot for goodness sake.  I’m angry that I don’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day because I have the best mother and mother-in-law a girl could ask for.

And I’m tired.  I’m so tired of thinking about this.  I’m so tired of being angry and sad.  I’m so tired of the constant roller coaster of emotions.  I’m so tired of beating my body up like this.

I would really really really like a glass of wine.  Or maybe a bottle.  But I can’t.  Because I’m a responsible infertile with another  10 days to wait.  fml.

Also, I currently weigh more than I’ve ever weighed in my life.  Clomid water weight or not, this is not improving my mood.

10: Distractions

28 Oct

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I6Tj5pLJy0

Today starts 10 months on our journey to a baby.  Weepy, yes.  Completely depressed, not this month.

I wasn’t expecting anything this time, which seemed to really help.  I’ve been trying to focus on other things.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading, including books, articles, and blogs.  I’ve also been pretty busy with our store.  Halloween seems to be our warm up to Christmas season.  I love Christmas season.  It’s the best time of the year.  I love the smell.  I love the clothing.  I love the decorations.  I love making presents for everyone.  I love how happy everyone is.
Much to Jeremy’s dismay, I start celebrating Christmas season on November 1 and it goes through January 1. 🙂   It’s going to be my wonderful distraction over the next couple months.  These next couple months will round off our year of trying and officially put us in the questionable fertility category.  But, Christmas should soften the blow and it should help remind me to be thankful and joyful.

In other news, my last ESL class of the year met yesterday.  We had a mini party with cake and soda.  We’ll meet again in January, but I’ll miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with these awesome ladies.   I got a little weepy when the ones we’ve grown closest too hugged us and kissed us good-bye.  They’re such a wonderful group of women and I’m so lucky to have gotten the chance to work with them and get to know them.  I think I’ve learned just as much from them about life and teaching as they’ve learned in English skills. 🙂

Meanwhile, we’re carving pumpkins at my mom’s house tonight.  I don’t love Halloween, but I do love our family tradition of getting together to do things like this.  🙂  Also, I’m drinking a few large glasses of wine… because I can. 😉