Last Thursday, we went to UNC to meet with one more doctor. This would be our 4th RE. Our 4th opinion. I went into the appointment thinking that Duke was at the top of my list and was worried that I wouldn’t give UNC enough of a chance. But by the time we left, I was ready to hand over my embryos.
This doctor was a lot like the doctors at Duke, but she was more commanding and informative. She was compassionate and educational. Like Duke, she wants to dig deeper into my thyroid. She also wants to check for any early diabetes markers since it does run in my family and can cause miscarriages. She wants to recheck my clotting issues since my last test was over a year ago. She wants to see if it’s getting worse or better, or even staying the same. They also do mock transfers, where they simulate a transfer and make sure everything is going to run perfectly before the embryos are involved. I love this for two reasons. First, I like that they’re treating me like an individual. I’m not in and out and done. Secondly, I want to make sure the cramping I felt during the last transfer isn’t anything concerning.
Which brings me to the cramping I felt the entire time I was pregnant. Dr. T dismissed it and said it was nothing. The doctors at Duke said it was probably the endometriosis and that there was nothing to be done about it. Dr. M said she’s rarely heard of that happening before. She wouldn’t have dismissed it. At the very least, she would have treated the pain just to keep my stress levels down. Their clinic is so interested in helping patients with the emotional aspect of fertility treatments. They have 2 therapists they use and recommend. This doctor encourages patients to email her with questions.
And, first beta is just 9 days post transfer. None of this 2 weeks nonsense.
She said our chances of getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) are good. They would be higher if we had created our embryos with them (I’m sure most doctors think that though). She’s the first doctor who told me that the silver lining in this last miscarriage was that I can get pregnant and produce good betas. She didn’t say it that way, she was a lot more empathetic in the way she said it, but it’s what I’ve been looking for. Something useful to come out of it. Dr. B said something along the same lines about our first miscarriage and I remember it comforting me then as well.
UNC has put many of my fears and concerns about another transfer to bed. I can’t control the outcome, but I think this next shot will be a good one. We’re aiming for a June transfer depending on when my period decides to come back. I go in tomorrow morning for thyroid, clotting, and diabetes blood work.
And how am I feeling overall? I’m pushing through. There are still days that I find myself watching the clock. Watching the minutes tick by one by one as I wait for a decent time to go to bed. Some days, I just want time to speed up and for the day to be over. I’m not sure if I’m hoping the next day will be better or if I’m just hoping for a few short hours that my heart doesn’t hurt.
I’ve also been finding solace in the gym. Go figure. I started going two days after they told us my beta at dropped to 5. I was honestly hoping it would jump start the bleeding. I ran and ran and then came home and cried and cried. But it helped. A couple days later, after my muscles stopped aching, I went again and ran and ran. I didn’t cry quite so much that day. So I kept going, at least 3 times a week. It’s been three weeks. I’m starting to lose weight (in a good way) and I’m able to run a little farther and a little longer each time. Some days, I find myself aching to go back to the gym to run even though I’d been there just that morning. I’ve always hated running. HATED. But it’s comforting to run so hard that I just can’t focus on anything but breathing. Like sleeping, it gives me a brief reprieve from having to think about what we’ve lost and what’s coming next.
Jessica
From My Bathtub 