Meow.

This morning, I took the cats to the vet and spent close to $300 making sure they were up to date on shots and that they were perfectly healthy.

I’ve always wondered if Jeremy and I have a slightly unhealthy attachment to our cats.  People always tease us about how we talk to them, although Jeremy talking to them early in the morning when he’s giving them their breakfast might be the cutest thing ever.  They always get Christmas and birthday presents.  And the number of pictures we take of our cats borders on ridiculous…

Honestly though, the thought of something happening to our cats is terrifying.  I don’t know what we would do if anything happened to them.  Especially now that all of this infertility business is going on.   They give us something to baby, something to take care of besides ourselves.  I think this horrible journey would be infinitely harder with out our furry buddies by our sides.  They’re usually good for a few minutes of cuddles each per day. 😉

For today, at least, I don’t have to worry.  They vet assured me that other than being a little extra chubby, they’re in perfect shape.  We should get another 17+ years out of them yet. 🙂

Waiting

For the first time in almost two years, I’m waiting anxiously for my period to start.  I want it to start.  Dr. B is almost positive that we won’t be pregnant this month, and I’m convinced that I’ll finally start feeling better once it does.

The stabbing, burning pain from the cysts has turned into an intense cramping.  It was getting a little better every day, and I was starting to have a little more energy every day.  Until I woke up at 4:30 this morning with the worst cramps I’ve had in years…   Blah.  I’ve been sleeping a lot.  Some days I can’t stop eating, other days food sounds like the worst idea ever.  I’m hoping the calorie intake is balancing out.  I only have one vicodin left.  I’m saving it just in case things start to feel worse.  These cysts are definitely worse than last time, so I’m assuming they’ll take longer to feel better.  I can touch my stomach now, which is a huge improvement.

It’s still making me crazy that all of this pain is really for nothing.  There’s nothing good or beneficial about this.  There will be no baby from this.

The cats, however, are taking full advantage of all of this laying around…

 

October 2: 7 Years

Although this weekend started out pretty rough, it seemed to end on a better note.  There were a lot of tears this time.  I wonder if it’s going to keep getting harder.  I had assumed it would get easier, and it was for a while.  I think the worst part is that there isn’t anything that can be done right now.  No one can make this easier, no one can make this hurt less.  I’m developing this deep anger at body that, for once, doesn’t stem from a physical trait.  I feel incompetent, useless, broken.  I feel like there’s something wrong with me.  Like anything else that isn’t performing the way it should, the way it was made to, things feel very wrong.

I’ve wondered a lot lately about never having kids.  A lot of people don’t.  We originally weren’t having any.  We’ve been talking about greyhounds.  And an iguana.  But then what?  I suppose we have endless possibilities.  Fostering, adopting, dying all alone… to name a few.  No positive enough?  Too bad.

We saw a couple movies this weekend.   Abduction with Taylor Lautner (No, there are no werewolves.  Dissapointed?  Me too. 😉 ) and 50/50 with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogan.  50/50 is the big winner.  Jeremy and I both agreed that it was a GOOD movie.  We don’t often agree on things like that.  I laughed, I cried (real shocker, right?), and then I laughed some more.

I did some sewing.  I slept a lot.  Laundry.  I cuddled with Bella.  And Alice.  I know, crazy weekend.

I suppose on one happy note, Jeremy and I started dating 7 years ago today.  Here’s a picture from a few days later.  It was our Junior Homecoming, we were 16-years-old:

Aww, look how clueless we were... 😉

We really liked each other.  Cute and smart?  –>Winning.  We fought a lot.  We went through a lot.  But 7 years later, he’s still my very best friend, the best husband I could ever hope for, and the best man that I know.  Despite everything we’re dealing with right now, I’m still a very lucky girl.

Meow.

I’ve come to realize that I take a lot of pictures of my cats…  Especially lately…

Crazy cat lady? Probably.  But is that really a bad thing?  Probably not.  Hemingway (who had 30 cats– and named them all) once said, “A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”

He isn’t the only famous person who loved his cats.  Edgar Allen Poe, F.Scott Fitzgerald, Charles Dickens, Cleopatra, William Pakepeace Thackeray, Victor Hugo, Marie Antoinette, Alexandre Dumas, Winston Churchhill, and Queen Victoria (among countless others) owned and wrote about their cats.  Is it a coincidence that all of those people are either queens or authors?  Probably not. 😉 

Anywho, I have a top ten list for you today about why I love my cats…
1.  They sleep constantly — much like me
2.  They’re relatively self sufficient
3.  They’re fluffy and adorable and perfect to cuddle with
4.  Despite their moodiness, they are completely loyal
5.  They’re full of personality
6.  We understand eachother (eventually I’ll teach them French 😉 )
7.  They keep me company when I stay up all night writing
8.  They appreciate yarn almost as much as I do
9.  They catch bugs for me
10.  Because they’re completely kickass. 🙂

In other news, the apartment is FINALLY unpacked and in order and my class finished up today — 4 1/2 weeks of NOTHING.

Life is Good.