We’ve Got News….

Here’s a clue. More this weekend. 😉

Grants, Foster Care, Come ON, Illinois!

Tomorrow, I go in for another appointment with Dr. B.  I’m expecting the IVF talk.  Yikes.  Although he’s out of town, Jeremy is going to conference call in.  It feels very professional. 😉  I think I’m going to be able to keep from yelling.  Maybe.

Tonight, I started filling out paperwork for an IVF grant.  It’s due in November, and they decide within a couple weeks.  So Dr. B will also get handed three pages that he needs to fill out and get back to me.  He’s going to fill it out.  I’ll call his office daily if I need to.  This lady wants a baby. Like 2 years ago…

I figured this was a good grant to start with.  It’s quick and gives me a good taste of grant writing and if it’s something we want to continue with.  It can’t hurt, so why not.

As for foster care… I called the bureau office two weeks ago, one week ago, and I’ll be calling again tomorrow.  State of Illinois, I thought you needed foster parents!!!!!!!  I think we’ve decided on most of the details, but I’m going to wait until I hear from them to share.  So send good vibes and prayers!

More tomorrow.  When I actually know something useful. =/

34: The End

In 5 days, I will go to an appointment with my reproductive  endocrinologist.  At this appointment, he will tell me that unless I have the desire (and cash) to pursue IVF, he can’t help me have a baby.  I will sit in his office as calmly as I can, alone because my husband has to go out of town, and tell him that there is no way that IVF is an option. 

I will have to tell my doctor that no one can help me have a baby anymore.  I will have to say that I can’t have my own babies.  And it sucks.  And it’s heart breaking.  And it hurts so much.

Our 6th and final IUI cycle failed.  I feel so low and so horrible and like such a failure.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

One year ago today, we found out that our first and only pregnancy wasn’t viable.  I remember sitting on the couch wondering how I was going to get through it.  But I did, and now here we are a year later.  We’re still alive.

It almost feels right that Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day coincides with that horrible day.  I’ll never forget either.  They’ll both be on my mind forever.

Too Tired to Care

Dude, it’s over-emotional central over here.

It could be stemming from a number of things including… 1. We are almost finished with our last assisted cycle.  If this doesn’t work, the chance of us having our own kids is very slim.  2. One year ago tomorrow, we found out we were pregnant.  One year ago on Tuesday, we found out our baby had died.  3. There are so many artificial hormones floating through my body!!  4. I’m just exhausted.

There’s just a lot going on right now.

We’ve been looking more into adoption and, more recently, more into foster care.  I don’t know if I’m ready, or comfortable handing $10,000+ that I don’t have over for a baby.  The idea of buying a baby is still really bothering me and I can’t seem to shake it.  It’s probably still something we’ll do eventually, but I think we’re keeping our options open and hoping and praying that something good falls into our laps.  We could really use something good.

I’m just so tired of having to work so hard at something most people don’t even have to think about.  I want that weekend in Vegas baby.

Yesterday’s monitoring showed that I probably only ended up with 1 egg this time.  1 egg.  The rest of the follicles are still hanging out, getting bigger, and turning into cysts.  That’s so nice….  They did assure me that I have a wonderful ratio of estrogen to progesterone.  Although I’m not sure I care any more.  I’m just too tired.

Meanwhile the greyhounds got collar lights last weekend.  They now glow in the dark.  Love them.

IUI #6/3

I’m so over these injections.  Knowing that we’re almost done has not made doing them any easier.  One more gonal-f tonight and then a novarel tomorrow and then, cross your fingers, I’m done injecting hormones into my body.  YAY!

I went in for a follicle count and blood work today.  She found 5 follicles, but only one looked like it would be dominant.  I’m a little bummed out.  We decreased the meds in hopes that 6 follicles would go down to maybe 2 or 3 follicles, but it looks like one it is.  My estrogen came back at 374, so we definitely have 1 really solid follicle, maybe even a second by Friday.

Friday is IUI #6/3.  It will only be cycle day 11.  It’s rather early, but if follicles are ready, then they’re ready, right?

This seems to have gone fast, but the early IUI coupled with the fact that I’ve been done with a horrible cold since this past weekend is probably why.  I’ve heard it’s going around and with the huge number of different students I see on a daily basis, it’s not surprising that it got me.

What do I do when I’m sick?  Knit socks of course.  The socks that I started a couple weeks ago got finished up last night…

 

Find the pattern here.

You can also catch a glimpse of the new nursery floor and wall color in that picture.  I’ve been too sick and/or preoccupied to take good pictures of it so far.  I’ll get there eventually.  For now, I’d prefer to nap on my couch. 🙂