Archive | October, 2013

We’ve Got News….

30 Oct

Here’s a clue. More this weekend. ūüėČ

Grants, Foster Care, Come ON, Illinois!

22 Oct

Tomorrow, I go in for another appointment with Dr. B. ¬†I’m expecting the IVF talk. ¬†Yikes. ¬†Although he’s out of town, Jeremy is going to conference call in. ¬†It feels very professional. ūüėČ ¬†I think I’m going to be able to keep from yelling. ¬†Maybe.

Tonight, I started filling out paperwork for an IVF grant. ¬†It’s due in November, and they decide within a couple weeks. ¬†So Dr. B will also get handed three pages that he needs to fill out and get back to me. ¬†He’s going to fill it out. ¬†I’ll call his office daily if I need to. ¬†This lady wants a baby. Like 2 years ago…

I figured this was a good grant to start with. ¬†It’s quick and gives me a good taste of grant writing and if it’s something we want to continue with. ¬†It can’t hurt, so why not.

As for foster care… I called the bureau office two weeks ago, one week ago, and I’ll be calling again tomorrow. ¬†State of Illinois, I thought you needed foster parents!!!!!!! ¬†I think we’ve decided on most of the details, but I’m going to wait until I hear from them to share. ¬†So send good vibes and prayers!

More tomorrow.  When I actually know something useful. =/

34: The End

18 Oct

In 5 days, I will go to an appointment with my reproductive ¬†endocrinologist. ¬†At this appointment, he will tell me that unless I have the desire (and cash) to pursue IVF, he can’t help me have a baby. ¬†I will sit in his office as calmly as I can, alone because my husband has to go out of town, and tell him that there is no way that IVF is an option.¬†

I will have to tell my doctor that no one can help me have a baby anymore. ¬†I will have to say that I can’t have my own babies. ¬†And it sucks. ¬†And it’s heart breaking. ¬†And it hurts so much.

Our 6th and final IUI cycle failed.  I feel so low and so horrible and like such a failure.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

15 Oct

One year ago today, we found out that our first and only pregnancy wasn’t viable. ¬†I remember sitting on the couch wondering how I was going to get through it. ¬†But I did, and now here we are a year later. ¬†We’re still alive.

It almost feels right that Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day coincides with that horrible day. ¬†I’ll never forget either. ¬†They’ll both be on my mind forever.


Too Tired to Care

11 Oct

Dude, it’s over-emotional central over here.

It could be stemming from a number of things including… 1. We are almost finished with our last assisted cycle. ¬†If this doesn’t work, the chance of us having our own kids is very slim. ¬†2. One year ago tomorrow, we found out we were pregnant. ¬†One year ago on Tuesday, we found out our baby had died. ¬†3. There are so many artificial hormones floating through my body!! ¬†4. I’m just exhausted.

There’s just a lot going on right now.

We’ve been looking more into adoption and, more recently, more into foster care. ¬†I don’t know if I’m ready, or comfortable handing $10,000+ that I don’t have over for a baby. ¬†The idea of buying a baby is still really bothering me and I can’t seem to shake it. ¬†It’s probably still something we’ll do eventually, but I think we’re keeping our options open and hoping and praying that something good falls into our laps. ¬†We could really use something good.

I’m just so tired of having to work so hard at something most people don’t even have to think about. ¬†I want that weekend in Vegas baby.

Yesterday’s monitoring showed that I probably only ended up with 1 egg this time. ¬†1 egg. ¬†The rest of the follicles are still hanging out, getting bigger, and turning into cysts. ¬†That’s so nice…. ¬†They did assure me that I have a wonderful ratio of estrogen to progesterone. ¬†Although I’m not sure I care any more. ¬†I’m just too tired.

Meanwhile the greyhounds got collar lights last weekend.  They now glow in the dark.  Love them.

IUI #6/3

2 Oct

I’m so over these injections. ¬†Knowing that we’re almost done has not made doing them any easier. ¬†One more gonal-f tonight and then a novarel tomorrow and then, cross your fingers, I’m done injecting hormones into my body. ¬†YAY!

I went in for a follicle count and blood work today. ¬†She found 5 follicles, but only one looked like it would be dominant. ¬†I’m a little bummed out. ¬†We decreased the meds in hopes that 6 follicles would go down to maybe 2 or 3 follicles, but it looks like one it is. ¬†My estrogen came back at 374, so we definitely have 1 really solid follicle, maybe even a second by Friday.

Friday is IUI #6/3. ¬†It will only be cycle day 11. ¬†It’s rather early, but if follicles are ready, then they’re ready, right?

This seems to have gone fast, but the early IUI coupled with the fact that I’ve been done with a horrible cold since this past weekend is probably why. ¬†I’ve heard it’s going around and with the huge number of different students I see on a daily basis, it’s not surprising that it got me.

What do I do when I’m sick? ¬†Knit socks of course. ¬†The socks that I started a couple weeks ago got finished up last night…


Find the pattern here.

You can also catch a glimpse of the new nursery floor and wall color in that picture. ¬†I’ve been too sick and/or preoccupied to take good pictures of it so far. ¬†I’ll get there eventually. ¬†For now, I’d prefer to nap on my couch. ūüôā