Done and Done

WELLLLL, the IUI is done.  It’s been just over 24 hours.  Too early to test? Maybe? Yes?  😉

But in all seriousness, thanks so much for the comments yesterday.  I’m feeling cautiously positive.

Jeremy and I got up just before 6 am yesterday morning in order to get to Dr. B’s by 7.  We were both dragging our feet getting ready and ended up running out the door with barely enough time to make the 25 minute drive.  I think we were both a little apprehensive and a lot nervous about what the morning would bring.

After he did his thing, they told us to go to breakfast and be back in an hour or so.  I thought they were a little crazy for thinking we would be able to eat and think about anything other than what was going to get shoved up into my lady parts in an hour, but we actually had a surprisingly nice time at breakfast.  We haven’t had a ton of time lately to just sit and chat.  We’ve had so much company and so much going on with the house, that it was really nice to just have a few minutes to ourselves before things threatened to get crazy again.  I know I also needed the time to finish wrapping my head around what was about to happen.

When we got back to Dr. B’s, they got us right into the room and had me change.  I was expecting something way over the top, but the whole thing was so informal and so relaxed.  I needed that.  I needed them to act like this was normal and ok.  I needed to feel like I wasn’t a failure for having to go through with this.  And they definitely gave me that.

Now.  Things might get a little TMI, but since you’re reading a blog where I frequently talk about my lady parts, I’m going to assume you’re ok with that. 😉
Sooooo, in the speculum went.  Not comfortable when you’re just getting an exam, even more uncomfortable when you know what’s coming next.  Then the catheter.  Ugh.  She warned me before she started that I would probably feel some pressure and maybe a little bit of cramping when she was almost to the top of my uterus.  Almost as soon as she started the cramping was excruciating.  I was going to just go with it, but she decided that there might be something wrong and called another nurse in to do an ultrasound while she inserted the catheter.
They squirted the cold ultrasound gel onto my stomach and immediately found my uterus.  She inserted the catheter again and, like before, the cramping was awful.  The nurse doing the ultrasound told her to stop and pull the catheter back.  She had been hitting the top of my uterus with the catheter.  Multiple times.  Evidently, I have a really short uterus.  Ow.  Ow. Ow.  They told me that shouldn’t have any impact on my ability (or inability) to get pregnant.

BUT, they kept the ultrasound on and turned the screen towards us while the injected the “specimen” 😉 into my uterus.  It was just a blob of white, but it was actually really neat to be able to see that.

I was a little crampy off an on yesterday.  I ended up staying home from class, and am actually really happy I did.  Today, I’m still crampy and have had just a small touch of spotting.  I’m super tired, but that could just be from the excitement and stress.

I took Skill to the dog park earlier and we were both exhausted after walking the island for half an hour.  I’m going to focus on napping and making his winter coat and hat for the rest of the day.  I saw this picture before we got him and decided I HAVE to figure out the knitting pattern for this hat.
Her site is in Swedish, but even with after using google translate on the whole page, I didn’t see anything for the actual pattern.   Soooo, Skill and I are going to figure it out ourselves.  And it’s going to be adorable! 🙂
Other than that, we’re taking the weekend easy. It will be our first relaxed weekend since we’ve moved in.  Jeremy is cleaning the garage and I might bake something delicious.

Prometrium starts on Monday.  Does it make anyone else dizzy?  I’m going to start taking it at bedtime, because last month I looked like I was drunk 20 minutes after every pill… 😉

IUI #1

IUI #1 starts in 9 hours.  Yikes.  I shot myself up with ovidrel around 1:30 this afternoon.  My uterine lining looks perfect, I have a 22.5 mm follicle, and my estrogen is at 247.  Things look more perfect than they ever have, but I’m remaining skeptical for the next week… The second week, however, I’m fully planning on getting my hopes up. 😉

I’m planning on coming home from Dr. B’s tomorrow and sleeping the entire day until I have to go to class in the evening.  Because I can.  And because I don’t want to think about what might be going on inside my body… Or even worse, what might not be going on.

I’ll update later this week or on the weekend.  There’s no hurry, right?  I have two weeks to go over and over and over what’s going to happen in the morning.

I’m also going to leave you with a picture of what my dog is doing right now.  Never mind that his HUGE dog bed is sitting right next to him.  The cat bed was so much more appealing.  He does this nightly.  It never fails to make us laugh.  This dog is the biggest stress reducer on the planet.  (Don’t mind the lack of closet doors.  The house didn’t come with them and we haven’t gotten around to replacing them yet. 🙂 )

 

The Looming IUI

The past ten days have been so crazy busy…

It’s been a… greyhound smooching, long dog walking, presentation giving, epic cleaning, baking, ultrasound getting, cooking, Ikea shopping, family gathering, Grandmother hosting, church going, medication injecting, fireplace snuggling, coffee drinking, IUI scheduling, dog coat making, follicle growing, winter clothes wearing… week and a half. 🙂

Skill came home over a week ago, and it almost seems like he’s always lived here.  He’s probably one of the very best things we could have done for ourselves.  He’s a million times more effective than therapy and a million times cuter.  He’s the least demanding dog I’ve ever met.  He’s so relaxed and docile that it’s easy to forget he’s there.  He sleeps close to 20 hours a day, but he always makes sure he’s snoozing in the same room I’m in, so I’m never completely alone.  He loves Jeremy and I completely and I didn’t think we could love a dog as much as we love him already.  He’s sweet and affectionate and is happy to just be around us.  He sleeps on our bedroom floor straight through the night and is almost completely indifferent towards the cats.  The cats warmed up to him after only a few days and now happily curl up in bed with us despite him being just a few feet away.

Our family feels good.  I feel somewhat content for the first time in years.  I don’t know if it will last, but I’m so happy and thankful for this goofy and sensitive dog. 🙂

In other news, my grandmother and aunt came to visit this weekend and stayed with us.  It’s the first overnight company we’ve had here and the first time I’ve ever hosted a family gathering.  It was such a nice weekend. 🙂  We chatted and baked and cooked and shopped and just spent time together.

It was all a welcome distraction from our upcoming IUI.  Thursday’s day 8 ultrasound found a lot of little follicles, but nothing dominant.  My estrogen was at 50.  Today’s day 12 ultrasound found one 18mm follicle.  Just one again.  I’m a little bummed out, but Dr. B said he’d rather see one good sized follicle with good estrogen, than two ok sized follicles splitting the estrogen.  I don’t even know if I have the energy to care really.  Between having company all weekend and the Gonal-f injections, I’m wiped out.  I don’t think I even have the emotional energy to invest in this cycle.  I’m just going to do what they tell me to do for now and see what happens.  We’ve never tried an IUI before and the Gonal-f is working — I have a large follicle and estrogen levels to prove it.

I go back for more blood work and an ultrasound on Wednesday morning.  They’re aiming for Thursday or Friday for the IUI.  Jeremy offered to take the whole day off, which I’m incredibly thankful for.  We might not be making a baby the old fashioned way, but at least he’ll be in the room when it happens and with me afterwards.

I’m taking the week easy and catching up on homework and actual work.  School is going alright.. sort of.  But that’s for another post.

21: Staying Focused

Just kidding again!! Isn’t it funny how easily I can jinx myself. 😉  I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning feeling a little crampy.  I was awake, so I thought I’d just slip into the bathroom and pee on a stick.  I waited the 3 minutes and was eyeballing the single line trying to find some trace of a second when my period started.  Oh, the timing…

Yesterday was hard, but having things to look forward to and work on really really helped.  Jeremy took the morning off and not being all alone like I usually am really helped too.

Dr. B’s office called yesterday afternoon to tell me to start injecting 75 units of Gonal-F again, but this time we’re starting on day 5 instead of 8.  She made sure I was clear on that and casually threw in that Dr. B wants to try an IUI this cycle.  I squeaked out an “Ok” and managed to hold off on a mild panic attack until I was off the phone.
I know I’ve been pushing for an IUI, but now that it’s here, now that it’s something we really and truly need… I’m terrified.  It’s really scary to me that my body is so screwed up.

Jeremy was pushing to take this cycle off, and while part of me wonders if that would be a good idea, there are some facts I can’t ignore and all of them have to do with insurance deductibles and coverage.  We’ve met certain deductibles already and I lose my primary form of insurance on my birthday.  So it’s all too obvious that getting pregnant before I turn 25 in December would save us a lot of money.  I hate that we have to think that way, but we have to be realistic and responsible about this.

So we’ll be paying for this IUI mostly out of pocket and, while I’ll be praying it works and I never have to think about it again, we’ll know the next one or two will be 100% covered.  And that makes me feel a little bit better about things.

Things I’m not ok with? One follicle.  This past cycle on Gonal-F, we ended up with 1 decently sized follicle.  I’m not ok with that when it comes to an IUI.  I’m aware it only takes one egg, but so far, one egg hasn’t been cutting it.  Dr. B is SOOOO conservative, which I appreciate… to an extent.  We may need to have a discussion..

Finally…. how painful is an IUI? Do you usually feel just fine afterwards?  Should I clear my day just in case?

Skill will be here to stay in less than 11 hours.  I’m hanging curtains in the family room today and fertilizing the vinca.  I’m aiming for a very chill day. 🙂

Ps.  I’m LOVING the cool weather.

Hesitant Updates…

I’ve been so hesitant to post anything fertility related lately, because it seems like every time I post something hopeful, my period starts just a few hours later…  BUT, I wanted to give an update because I’ll probably be a little out of touch this next weekend.

Tomorrow morning is our official test date.  I’ve been tempted to cheat all week, but I chickened out.  I would have taken one this morning, but I had to leave the house at 6:30 and knew I wouldn’t be home until 9:30 tonight.  I didn’t want to find out and then have a day like that.  So we decided to listen to Dr B and wait until tomorrow, which will be day 32 (14 or 15 days past ovulation) of my cycle.  If you remember, last cycle wasn’t even 24 days, so this is an improvement.   I’m still taking progesterone twice a day, and I still hate it.

I’m suddenly breaking out like a teenager (which didn’t make me feel better about starting my high school observations today…), and am more bloated than I’ve ever been– but surprisingly, I don’t feel bad really.  I just feel really tired.  Most of the time.

But, we’re going through life right now assuming this isn’t going to be our month.  We’ve been too busy and I’ve been too active.  We haven’t talked about any “What if’s” and I haven’t really looked at anything baby related for a couple weeks.  I don’t think I’ll be devastated when this cycle doesn’t work.  Keeping busy really is helping.

School is feeling overwhelming– getting back into the swing of things is harder than I expected.  Unpacking is getting there, but slowly due to school and being exhausted.  PLUS, Skill is coming home on Friday evening!  So we’ve been prepping and getting ready for him.  We’ve bought almost everything we need for him and are just waiting on a few things to come in the mail.

I won’t leave you hanging if we get a positive tomorrow or Friday.  But if you don’t hear from me, assume I’m off spending quality time with our new family member and have nothing exciting to report. 🙂

Skill Set

Just a quick post to say that we’re mostly moved into our house.  I love it!

Also, look who’s coming to live with us within the next couple weeks…
His name racing name was Skill Set.  We were originally going to change it to Roosevelt, but his name seems to fit him, so he’s just Skill now.  🙂  He’s three years old and is the most perfect kind of dog we could ever have asked for.  He’s calm and quiet, but affectionate already.  It was so hard to leave him with his foster family until the adoption can be finalized, but we have a lot of work to do to get the house ready for him.

He has an autoimmune disease and seasonal allergies, but both are super easy to keep under control.  When he got to the kennel from Florida a few months ago, he couldn’t even walk. 😦  They said he may grow out of both (or at least not require any medication) if we take good care of him.  We baby our pets to no end, so it’s only a matter of time before he’s healthy again. 🙂

We love him so much already. ❤

Moving Day is Tomorrow!

Yikes! Where have I been?  Out of control…  The movers come tomorrow afternoon, the house is move-in ready as of 1 am this morning, we go meet our greyhound tomorrow morning, and my uterine lining/progesterone levels are holding strong.

Not too shabby for the past week. 🙂  We spent a crazy amount of time getting this house ready over the long weekend.  Painting and cleaning and carpet cleaning and jungle patio overhauls ensued.  I know I overdid it, but such is life.  I haven’t gotten pregnant so far by taking it easy.  I am, however, taking it easier this week.  I’m feeling tired more easily and I’m far more emotional.  I’m resting when I need it and trying to get some extra sleep.

My mom and step dad and Jeremy’s parents helped us a lot, which was a gigantic relief.  Jeremy’s parents helped with all of the high VOC painting so I could stay away from the fumes, and my mom and step dad whipped our patio into something just beautiful after the previous owners let it turn into the Jungle Book over the summer.

We met some of our neighbors and they’re all so nice.  They’re all older than we are, but we kind of expected that.  They all just seem to be happy that someone bought the house and is starting to take care of it again.  We’re really enjoying watching the house transform into something loved and well cared for.  The longer we spend there and the more projects we do, the more we love the house and can’t wait to make it into the perfect home for our family.  I can see us living in this house for years and years to come, changing and improving things along the way.

It’s two blocks from the elementary school, two blocks from the river walk, and still nice and close to both of our families.  It has plenty of room for visitors and plenty of options to change as our family grows.

How are things on the family front?  We are 8 days past ovulation.  I’ve been taking prometrium supplements twice a day since Sunday.  My uterine lining looks good.  We’re at cycle day 26.  Farther than last month, still a few days to go.  I’ve been a little crampy off and on for the past couple days.  Nothing super painful, just uncomfortable.  It usually stops when I lay down.  I’ve also lost 4 pounds in the past week.  I know I’ve been really active, but I’ve also been eating like a horse, so I’m not sure what that means.

Dr. B doesn’t want me to test until Thursday… I don’t know if I can hold out that long.  I’ll definitely be waiting until early next week though.  I’m terrified that the oviderel will still be in my system and I’ll get a very very false positive.  I don’t have a good feeling about this cycle though.  I have a feeling my period will start before I get a chance to test.

Today, I’m going to finish packing and day dream about picking our greyhound tomorrow. 🙂