8: Optimism.

Our 8th TTC (trying to conceive) month started on Saturday. We were really down.  It was a pretty sad and weepy day.  We had a little bit more hope than usual last month.  We’re doing better now though, trying to be optimistic and positive.
I’ve gotten some great advice from friends and family the last few months and I’m doing my best to focus on it.

Jessica told me to remember that there might be a reason a baby would be a bad idea in our life right now.  That maybe something will be happening or not happening that will make being pregnant or having a newborn too difficult.  I definitely see the reasoning in that.  I’m trying to be thankful for God loving us enough to not put us into an impossible situation.

Christine told me that when our goals aren’t coming into play or if we feel like we’re stuck in limbo, it may be best to reevaluate our plan of attack or our goals.  I really disagreed with her at first, thinking I want a baby and there is no other way to get one.  But the more I think about it, I think I see her point (or at least something that helped me, which is good to, right Christine? 😉 ).  After last month, I was ready to be done with the whole ordeal.  I was tired of being so completely heartbroken and disappointed each month.  Rather than revising my plan of attack (unless you know of some other way to make a baby that I don’t?), I looked at it again.  I looked at our goals and asked myself if that goal was worth the means it might take to get there.  The answer was “YES”! I need to continue to focus on our goal and less on the getting there.  Sort of an “eye on the prize” kind of attitude.

Which brings me to something my mom told me.  I was really down as it seemed like all of our friends are having babies and she told me to think about how much we will appreciate our baby when it comes and how completely grateful we’ll be.  It’s very true.  Before Jeremy and I got married, and even for the first year we were married, I didn’t want kids.  Not in the least.  I didn’t think I’d be a good mom.  I didn’t think I had the patience or the strength.  It almost seemed like I changed my mind over night.  And now, we’ve been on this long journey to a baby and I’ve managed to learn so much about myself and my husband.  I’ve learned to be compassionate and supportive and loving from my mom and my sister.  I’ve watched my father-in-law, Eric, be such a good dad and opa to his kids and grandkids and I know that Jeremy has had a great teacher too.  We’ve become so family oriented in the past few months.  Would that have happened if we hadn’t been turning to our families for support?   Would we have been ready if we hadn’t had this time of preparation?  This time has tested us and changed us and made us grateful for what we do have and what we hope to have.  We’re grateful for our family.  For our parents and siblings.  For our nieces and nephews.  We’re grateful for our friends.  We’re grateful for our cats too. 🙂

So that’s my new goal: to be optimistic and thankful for what we have.  To not be so angry at what I can’t have right now.  Even when it seems like our goals are completely out of reach, I want to choose to look forward and hope. 🙂

Pollen and Dog Collars… Wait.. What?

Pollen season has begun here in Aurora!  Yesterday boasted a 9.4 out of 12 for the pollen count.  Today is slightly lower, but promises to increase this weekend.  I. Can’t. Breath.  My skin itches.  My eyes itch.  My entire mouth and throat itch.  My head my float away soon.  And I can’t take a single gosh darn dose of medicine…  Why?  It’s bad for the baby I don’t have yet.  Ridiculous.  Would I be so irritated if I was already pregnant?  Probably, but I would keep it to myself.  Now, I’m just angry about it.

On a positive note, I got my first ever positive ovulation stick last week:

❤

After last month, I decided to invest in the ClearBlue digital ovulation sticks.  They’re a little more expensive, but I LOVE them!  They don’t make you interpret line darkness and are super easy to use.  A smiley face means you’ll ovulate within 12 to 36 hours.  A circle means nothing has been detected.  Then a few days later, you can confirm ovulation with a thermal chart shift. =)  So much easier!

It helped us time everything.  We timed it so well that fertilityfriend.com has given our chances of conceiving this month as “high” and gave us an approximate testing date.  Yea right.  I’ll believe it when I see it. 😉

I stopped in to see my dermatologist last week because my breakouts have gotten out of control with my constant hormonal shifts.  She said it’s amazing that humans ever get pregnant since there are so many obstacles to overcome.  I love her.  She gave me some baby friendly meds and told me to keep her updated. 🙂

I haven’t been knitting much this summer.  I think it’s the heat.  I didn’t knit much last summer either.  Until allergy season started and I was stuck inside our air conditioned bedroom.  A couple days ago, I couldn’t get socks out of my head, so I sat down with some fabulous purple variegated sock yarn and started working on Kalajoki Socks:

Love

It’s a fun pattern.  I need to get them done because the knitting group I’ve taken over starts on September 6 and I need samples.  Have I finished the Snow Day socks?  No.  Why?  2 of the needles broke in transit somewhere and I am short one #2 needle.  Boo!  What’s really a bummer is that they have maybe an inch of stockinette and then the ribbing and they’re done.  Note to self:  tiny wooden needles don’t travel well.

In other news, I’ve finally started working on Upcycled Dog Collars for our store.  I’m using old neckties and they’re turning out so cute:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/79968444/upcycled-necktie-medium-dog-collar

Our toys are all eco-friendly and it’s been important to me to at least offer an eco-friendly option for collars too.  I’d love to use hemp webbing as that’s far more sustainable, but it’s REALLY expensive.  We may get there eventually, but I’m not going to rush it.  My office can’t really hold many more new materials unless I seriously cut back on my yarn stash.  And that’s not happening.  Plus, we’ve figured out how to make the most out of our serious lack of space if we add a baby into the mix… and more store supplies are just not in the picture.

That’s all for now.  I’m a sewing fool today. 🙂