Meow.

This morning, I took the cats to the vet and spent close to $300 making sure they were up to date on shots and that they were perfectly healthy.

I’ve always wondered if Jeremy and I have a slightly unhealthy attachment to our cats.  People always tease us about how we talk to them, although Jeremy talking to them early in the morning when he’s giving them their breakfast might be the cutest thing ever.  They always get Christmas and birthday presents.  And the number of pictures we take of our cats borders on ridiculous…

Honestly though, the thought of something happening to our cats is terrifying.  I don’t know what we would do if anything happened to them.  Especially now that all of this infertility business is going on.   They give us something to baby, something to take care of besides ourselves.  I think this horrible journey would be infinitely harder with out our furry buddies by our sides.  They’re usually good for a few minutes of cuddles each per day. 😉

For today, at least, I don’t have to worry.  They vet assured me that other than being a little extra chubby, they’re in perfect shape.  We should get another 17+ years out of them yet. 🙂

More Waiting.

No new updates really.  My FSH was a little high for cycle day 3 tests, but they didn’t think it was anything to worry about until we have all of the data.  The nurse told me that from now until the end of the month I’ll only hear about any test results if they’re seriously abnormal (unless I want to call and ask, which she assured me is perfectly fine).  Otherwise, once all of the data from the month is collected, we’ll make an appointment with Dr. B and go over everything.

This isn’t the case for medicated cycles, but since we’re really just monitoring to get a base line, they aren’t too worried that things will go horribly wrong.  So I go for another ultrasound, blood test, and a post coital test on August 3.  I think this might be the longest cycle ever.

Also, our closing day has already been pushed back.

Waiting.  The story of my life.

I’ve been eating wayyyy too much sugar lately.  I think I’ve had 6 or 7 S’mores in the past week.  I have oreos in the house for the first time in months.  And I made a peach upside down cake for dessert tonight.  I was doing so good with eating healthier since our juice fast and now it has totally snowballed.  Self control is gone.  I need to go back to the gym now that those pesky cysts have cleared up and clomid is out of the picture.  
My goal this week is to get to the gym at least once.  At the very least I can work off the extra calories I’ve been taking in.  It evens out somehow, right? 😉

19: Birth Control Optional.

I got up bright and early this morning to go to my CD 3 blood draw/ ultrasound.  I was having pain off and on all weekend, so I knew the cysts were still hanging around.  Getting put on birth control after the past month of craziness didn’t sound all that bad.  Especially considering my next period is due right around when we’re supposed to close on the house.   Yuck.

So I dragged myself in and got poked and prodded a little more.  Imagine my surprise when the nurse announced I am cyst free! 🙂  She said all the pain was probably just my body working to getting rid of them.  I’m relieved that we don’t have this hurdle to jump over anymore.  We can move forward with a monitoring cycle and (hopefully) get to the bottom of this.  No birth control.  Unless we feel like it. 😉

I’ll update on my blood work later.  They were checking base hormone levels and ovarian reserve today.  I still think it’s amazing that they can do that.  🙂

Honestly, I feel rather ambivalent towards the whole ordeal.  I know these are good things, but they don’t feel like they’re “good news” necessarily.  Just information I didn’t have before.  Maybe I’m finally learning to exercise caution when it comes to my emotions.  That isn’t entirely a bad thing.

Anywho….

The weekend was good.  I spent a good chunk of it trying to distract myself from my period starting.
My goal with the garden this year is to not let anything go to waste.  Last year, I wasn’t ready for the huge amounts of fruits and vegetables that the garden ended up producing.  I’m sorry to say that some of it went bad before I could figure out how to use it.  I canned a lot of tomatoes and jalapenos last year, and plan on doing the same this year, but I also wanted a little variety.  I got this book on modern canning for Christmas this, and started utilizing it over the weekend.

Friday, I oven dried a big batch of tomatoes.  It only got to 85 degrees out that day and it was supposed to be the coolest day we’ll have in a while, so I wanted to have the oven on all day while it was relatively cool out.  They turned out nice and caramelized.  I stuck them in freezer safe jars and froze them to use later.
Next, I added to my already impressive zucchini store, turning 4 zucchini into 14 cups of frozen pureed zucchini.  I currently have 22 cups of zucchini hanging out in my freezer.  I need to find more zucchini recipes.  The 2 or 3 dishes I use zucchini in are getting very worn out.

Yesterday, I canned apple jelly using the apples from the funky apple tree in my mother- and father-in-law’s back yard.  It came out really yummy and tastes like candy apples.  Definitely not bad for my first try at jelly.  It’s not as clear as it was supposed to be, but I used cheese cloth instead of a jelly bag, so that’s probably why.  I’m curious if I let it gel too much or not enough.
I’m a little afraid to open one of the jars. 😉  I suppose too runny or not runny enough, it should taste the same.
Canning foods makes me happy.  They typically last for long amounts of time, which is probably why I prefer it to cooking in general.  A complicated dinner is gone after a few minutes, but home preserved foods last throughout the year.

 

Downy, Touch of Comfort

In May, I ordered a Downy Touch of Comfort Quilt Kit.  They send you donated fabric to turn into a quilt that will get handed out to kids in hospitals.  They ask that you also donate a quilt out of your own fabric.  That way for every 1 quilt kit they send out, they get at least 2 back.

My kit came when I was dealing with my first set of cysts.
I did most of it while I wasn’t feeling good, but then set it aside for a couple months.  While I’ve been down with this set of cysts, I finished it up.

I just love the car fabric.  I haven’t been able to find more of it anywhere; I think it’s been discontinued.  Bummer.  I’m not 100% happy with the way it turned out.  I was using a sewing machine that just didn’t machine quilt as well as the one I’m used to.  But it’s cute and will serve it’s purpose.

The quilt that I am really excited about is the one I’m going to donate.  I designed the whole thing myself, and I’m pretty proud of it.  My sister gave me some left over fabric she’d found at a barn sale, and I used other scraps that I had, so I didn’t need to buy a thing for it. =)

I just love the swirls and how they look with the butterflies.  I didn’t quilt the butterflies, so they puff off of the quilt nicely.  If we ever have a little girl, I’m going to remake this quilt for her.  I hope it makes some little girl feel just a little bit better. 🙂

I totally recommend this program if you’re interested in starting to quilt.  These quilts are rather small, so they don’t take much time.  The kits themselves come almost completely pre-cut and with decent instructions.  And because they’re small, they’re very easy to quilt on your sewing machine – you can even just quilt in lines if you’d prefer.

I’m going to wash these two tomorrow and hopefully get them right in the mail.  I’ll be requesting another quilt kit soon. 🙂

And Finally… Good News!

After so much bad lately, we’ve finally got some wonderful news!  We got our house, blue kitchen and all!!  We’re going to be homeowners!!

We got an email with the “unofficial” yes this evening.  They just need to file some paperwork and we can schedule a closing date.  They’re aiming for August 20 right now.  I’m so happy to have something good to look forward to. 🙂  And all of the painting and packing and moving will keep me nice and busy, which is exactly what I need right now.

It’s an adorable 3 bedroom ranch with a living room, dining room, eat in kitchen, family room, and big bay window for the cats.  It’s too big for us, but we’re still hoping. 🙂

20 minutes after we got our email, Jeremy and I were in the car on our way to visit our house.  It’s only 10 minutes from where we’re living now.
I’m hoping this is just the first in a long line of good news.  We’re 12 days past “ovulation” today, part of me is hoping that Dr. B is wrong and I did manage to ovulate this month and we’ll get to celebrate double good news.  I know, I’m being greedy. 😉  I’m definitely feeling better today; still very tired (maybe even more so), but WAY less sore than I’ve been.  I’ll take extra sleepy over pain any day.

We picked up some small boxes at Home Depot this evening so I can start packing the non-essentials over the next couple weeks.  First up, my hundreds of books.  Thank goodness for moving companies. 😉
Alice is “helping”..

Waiting

For the first time in almost two years, I’m waiting anxiously for my period to start.  I want it to start.  Dr. B is almost positive that we won’t be pregnant this month, and I’m convinced that I’ll finally start feeling better once it does.

The stabbing, burning pain from the cysts has turned into an intense cramping.  It was getting a little better every day, and I was starting to have a little more energy every day.  Until I woke up at 4:30 this morning with the worst cramps I’ve had in years…   Blah.  I’ve been sleeping a lot.  Some days I can’t stop eating, other days food sounds like the worst idea ever.  I’m hoping the calorie intake is balancing out.  I only have one vicodin left.  I’m saving it just in case things start to feel worse.  These cysts are definitely worse than last time, so I’m assuming they’ll take longer to feel better.  I can touch my stomach now, which is a huge improvement.

It’s still making me crazy that all of this pain is really for nothing.  There’s nothing good or beneficial about this.  There will be no baby from this.

The cats, however, are taking full advantage of all of this laying around…

 

Wasted Time and New Hope

We me our RE yesterday.  We LOVE him!  He was wonderful and took time to explain everything to us and made sure that we knew to call if we have ANY questions.  LOVE!

But.

He also let us know that the past 6 months of fooling around with clomid have probably been a complete waste.  6 months.  In fact, there’s a good chance all of this clomid has probably prevented us from getting pregnant.  He said the fact that 50 mg of clomid is giving me these huge cysts probably means I have an underlying hormonal imbalance and the clomid is just making it worse.  And these cysts mean I probably haven’t ovulated any eggs.  The follicles never popped and just turned into cysts.

Our last doctor should have done much more blood work AND handled my cysts WAYYYY differently.  I never should have been prescribed clomid in the first place.  I’m so angry today.  I’m so angry that this woman wasted so much of my time and energy.  I’m angry that I’ve put my body through this horrible drug, these awful symptoms, and these resulting cysts for NOTHING!!!!!  And I’m so incredibly disappointed.  I’m so sad.

She was supposed to be our obstetrician if we ever get pregnant.  I don’t know if I can ever go back to her.  Maybe my anger will wear off, but right now I have no desire to ever see her again.

We’re starting from scratch.  If my cysts clear up in the next week or so, we’re having a total monitoring cycle next.  Complete with 4 ultrasounds, 4 blood draws, and a post coital test or 2 ;).  He told me to stop using my OPKs at this point because the ultrasounds and blood tests will be far more accurate.
If my cysts don’t clear up, he’ll put me on birth control for a month and then we’ll monitor the cycle after that.  He’s confident that it’s a hormone problem based on my late ovulation, irregular periods, and the effect of the clomid.

I appreciate this doctor so much so far.  He made me feel like someone else is going to take over; like I don’t need to worry about the complicated, difficult stuff.  He makes me feel like someone other than us cares that there’s a problem.  He’s given me confidence that he wants to find a solution.  You can tell by the way he talks to us that he loves his job and he loves helping people.  I feel like I can trust him to take the very best care of me and my poor ovaries.  I’m so glad we found Dr. Binor.

He even drew us this picture while he was explaining everything to us.  It’s on our fridge right now.  We’ve decided if he helps us get pregnant, we’re framing it for the baby’s room. 🙂

Ps.

There’s a good chance we’ll finally find out about the house with the blue kitchen this week! =)  We’re crossing our fingers that we’ll have something so wonderful to look forward to very soon.

Wisconsin Cysts.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I’ve posted and my motivation is seriously lacking.

I finished up this month round of clomid and ended up with the worst side effects yet.  I felt horrible up until last Tuesday or so.
The weekend before last we went to visit one of my best friends and her family.  We wanted to see them before we see the RE this week, because we have no idea what he’s going to tell us.  I was pretty physically uncomfortable the whole time, but it was nice to spend some time with them.  They have 2 little boys. One is two and a half and the other is 10 months old.  I was a little worried about spending too much time with the boys, but they’re such happy kids that it was pretty nice to be around them.  The hardest part was seeing Jeremy holding the baby in church on Sunday.  It made me a little teary for a minute because my husband looks good with a baby in his arms.  He looked right.
We went hiking with them before we drove the 5 hours home.  I pushed my body through it and was happy to have done it.
 We were only home 2 days before we turned around and went back to Wisconsin to stay at my mom and step dad’s cabin for the long weekend.  My parents, sister, and niece were there too.  They’re remodeling right now, so not having AC in this crazy Midwestern heatwave was an experience. 😉  Not having access to the internet though, was surprisingly refreshing for Jeremy and I.  We both spent the time trying to recharge before seeing the RE this week.
We had another HUGE bonfire, although it was no where near as much fun as the two we had in February.
 Saturday, we visited a cute little winery that’s just down the street from their cabin.  We did some tasting and bought a couple bottles.
 Around the time this picture was taken, I had started feeling a little bit of pain in my lower abdomen.  I had ovulated the day before (3 days early, YEA!), and was hoping it was just from some super awesome follicles doing their thing.
By the time we got back to the cabin the pain was excruciating.  Worse than the last time I had to go to the hospital with my golf ball cysts… Jeremy hopped into the car and drove me to the closest ER, 20 minutes away.  They got us in relatively quickly and had to go about their blood work to check for a pregnancy.  I laughed a little bit.  I kept letting them know I was taking clomid and cysts were probably the culprit.  They’re such a small hospital that they had to call an ultrasound tech who lived an hour away to come check things out.
Meanwhile they were force feeding me water.. and not giving me anything for the pain “just in case” I was pregnant (I laughed again).
 The ultrasound might have been the most painful procedure I’ve ever had done.  No transvaginal probe though, which kind of made my day.  She found 3 HUGE cysts, 1 on the right and 2 even bigger on the left.  And no evidence of pregnancy. 😉  Duh.

After that, they finally offered to dope me up with some aleve and vicodin.   I was pretty happy from then on. haha.  Jeremy?  Not so happy that this was happening in the first place.  Not pleased to pose for a picture with his slightly high wife. 😉
 The ER doctor was older and just didn’t think a cyst could cause pain like that and wondered if one might be leaking.  But then, he didn’t seem 100% sure of what clomid does.  I assured him it wasn’t the first time and asked to go home.  They gave me a generous prescription of 20 vicodin, which I was able to fill at 10:30 at night in the middle of no where, Wisconsin at a PRESCRIPTION MEDICINE VENDING MACHINE…
 Amazing.  Chicagoland needs these.

 

My favorite part of this experience?  Out of the 2 female nurses and female ultrasound tech, all three of them had experience with fertility medications.  The first had a daughter who is pregnant with her second child using clomid, the second has a 7 month old that she conceived while on clomid and an injectable, and the ultrasound tech has 14 year old twins that she conceived using clomid.    All three of them were the most understanding medical personal that I have ever met.  They were sensitive and caring and wished us luck.  I’ve never met someone in real life who has used fertility medication to get pregnant and told me about it, so to meet 3 women with success stories on a night that I felt so incredibly defeated was a huge boost.

They understood how much we’ve struggled and how horrible these drugs make you feel, but they were able to offer such positive lights on the situation.  It actually made these cysts and this hospital visit worth it.   I really think it’s true that some people are put into your life when you really need them.  These women were wonderful for sharing their stories with me.

Soooo, we see the RE for the first time tomorrow afternoon.  Unless he has something super amazing planned, we’re going to refuse clomid again.  If it doesn’t work this month, we obviously need to try something different.  I’m far less nervous than I thought I would be, but then I have vicodin swirling around my body, and that just makes everything better. 😉  I really want to ask him, however, what it means that 50 mg of clomid is producing these giant cysts.  Maybe he’ll have an idea of what’s going on.

I’ll update you tomorrow.

Also… Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever peed on an OPK or pregnancy test?  Me?  Just off of US-39 North in the middle of Wisconsin…. 😉  It would have been so much more gratifying had it been positive. ha.