11 Weeks to Go!

Week one down!  Last week flew by and I’m hoping that means the next 11 will as well!

This past weekend was weird.

Saturday, after sharing the same car for the past 6 years (a basic two door Toyota Yaris), Jeremy and I bought a second car.  We went round and round with what we wanted to buy.  Originally, we thought a cheap beater would suffice to get one of us to and from work.  However, it was proving really difficult to locate something decent that we could pay cash for. 

After some long discussion, we decided to take out a car loan.  But then came the decision as to what kind of car we wanted.  We could get a small, 4 door sedan that wouldn’t cost us much and would be easy to get a car seat in and out, but the dogs wouldn’t fit.  Or we could get a small SUV that would comfortably fit us, the dogs, and a baby or two.  Ugh.  Haven’t we done this before?  Didn’t we just buy a house with plenty of room for babies?!

We decided to go the responsible and hopeful route and bought a used Honda CRV so that we didn’t have to buy something bigger in a year.  It has so much space… =/  The dogs fit in the trunk which leaves the entire back seat open for… something…

Don’t get me wrong, I love this car.  It feels like such a luxury to have power doors, windows, and cruise control! 🙂  It just reminds me greatly of what we don’t have to put in it.  Much like the house.
Interestingly enough, 7 months ago, after we found out we were pregnant, we discussed trading our car in for something more family friendly.  We decided we could push it out and buy a car in May.  This May.  I didn’t think about that fact until we had already signed all the papers.  Hmm..

Mother’s Day wasn’t as brutal as I thought it was going to be, although it still wasn’t pleasant.  We didn’t see anyone and I think it was just as well.  I was pretty weepy off and on all day.  I had a couple friends wish me “Happy Mother’s Day” and acknowledge our baby and as sad as it was, it was so much of a relief to have our baby mentioned and remembered.  It hurt a little less to know I wasn’t the only one thinking of him or her yesterday.  🙂

I’ve packed my subbing schedule this week, so I’m expecting it to fly by as well.  10 weeks will be here before you know it!

Mother’s Day

My dad just called to wish me a happy Mother’s Day because I’ll get there eventually.  It’s just a matter of time.  I don’t think he’s ever said anything that’s meant to much to me.  For being so out of touch most of the time, he said the exact right thing. 🙂

So I’m going to pass it along.  Happy Mother’s Day, ladies.  We’ll all get there eventually. =)

From my garden. 🙂

Obligatory Infertile Mother’s Day Post.

I’m in a lot of pain today.  From my bellybutton down, it hurts.  My doctor pretty much told me to take a tylenol and suck it up.  And she wonders why I feel like she doesn’t take me seriously… 😉  I didn’t have pain like this last month, but if she tells me not to worry about it, I’m not going to.  I’m just going to lay on the couch and whine that I’m dying. 😛

Clomid, I’m going to punch you in the face.  With my fist.  Hard.

I was at Target with my sister this afternoon.  They put baby swimsuits right by the books.  They were really cute.  =/

I’m in a funk.  And I’m pretty sure it’s stemming from Mother’s Day.  Last year was irritating.  This year it feels unbearable.  I haven’t looked at cards.  I’ve only briefly thought about flowers.  If I can get away with hiding in bed all day on Sunday, I’ll count it as a day well spent.

Honestly?  I’m angry about Mother’s Day.  I’m angry that we can’t celebrate the way we should be celebrating.  I’m angry that I’m in so much pain right now.  I have zero faith in my reproductive system this month.  Probably because we got our hopes up so much last month.  I’m angry that I’m putting my body through this, but know I would be kicking myself if we didn’t try our hardest.  I went to freaking Texas so we could give it our best shot for goodness sake.  I’m angry that I don’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day because I have the best mother and mother-in-law a girl could ask for.

And I’m tired.  I’m so tired of thinking about this.  I’m so tired of being angry and sad.  I’m so tired of the constant roller coaster of emotions.  I’m so tired of beating my body up like this.

I would really really really like a glass of wine.  Or maybe a bottle.  But I can’t.  Because I’m a responsible infertile with another  10 days to wait.  fml.

Also, I currently weigh more than I’ve ever weighed in my life.  Clomid water weight or not, this is not improving my mood.

Old Bath Beads.

Yea, we're that awesome...

Today’s bath product: Bath Beads from Mother’s Day Weekend 2007.  😉 My mom, sisters, niece, and I took a trip to Geneva, IL that year and did quite a bit of shopping, eating, and walking.  That was also the weekend I got my first tattoo!
Anywho, we all bought these tubes of Bath Beads in assorted flavors and I still have a few lurking around.  This one is blue and doesn’t really smell like anything anymore.  Hmm… I think I’ll forgo the use of the last couple.

I opted to let my brain get over Amy Hempel for a few days and decided to pick up a collection Haruki Murakami’s short stories this afternoon.  There I was, reading them through absentmindedly when I finally read through one that struck me.  I read through it a few more times and decided that it is definitely one of my favorite short stories of all time.  “Birthday Girl” is about a girl’s 20th birthday spent working in a restaurant and the surreal evening that ends up occurring.  I won’t ruin the ending for you as I highly suggest you read it — especially since I took the time to link it for you and everything– but its one of those stories that allows you to draw your own conclusions about what she means and what he means.  I usually don’t care for stories like that, but I couldn’t help myself when it came to this one.

This author is one that I never would have picked up if I was just browsing the shelves, but I’m very glad that I am able to appreciate him as much as I do.  The first story I was ever fortunate enough to read by him is still (at least in my book– or blog ;-)) one of the most romantic and depressing short stories I have ever read.  Beautifully written.  Beautifully interpreted.  Even if you can lay some blame with the narrator for his choices.