4.5 Weeks to Go!

I know I’ve been noticeable absent over the past 5 weeks.  I’ve been just living and being.  While I definitely don’t feel 100%, I don’t feel as bad as I was expecting to at this stage in my lupron therapy.  I had my second injection 3.5 weeks ago, which means my 3rd and final injection is on Monday afternoon.  The hot flashes, headaches, general lack of energy, and epic lack of focus have been my main complaints.  I don’t find myself being too much more moody than normal, and if I am, it’s usually because I’m not feeling well.

I still feel astronomically better than I felt when I was taking clomid last summer and a fair amount better than I did before my lap in April.  And I think that is absolutely ridiculous.  I’m looking forward to getting the lupron out of my system and just being healthy for a while.

What have I been up to lately?  We’ve had lots of house guests who have kept me nice and busy.  Jeremy’s aunt and cousin came for a few days at the end of May and his brother and his brother’s girlfriend were here visiting over this past weekend.  Getting ready for and spending time with everyone has been a huge help in making these past 8 weeks fly by.

We also put up our fence!  We had a little bit of help from one of our neighbors and Jeremy’s dad, but we put the whole thing up mostly on our own.  It’s not perfect, but it has made for some very happy hounds. We still need to trim the posts down.  It looks a little ridiculous right now.  It’s been so nice to have them out with me while I garden.

Speaking of gardening, I’ve put so many new flowers into my garden and a lot of the older ones are blooming.  It’s just beautiful!

I’ve been waging war against both the bunnies and the slugs, and for the moment I think I might actually be winning.  Lots of plants have been eaten right down to the ground, but I’m crossing my fingers they come back now.  My wildflower patch has just started blooming, so I’m expecting some beautiful pictures in the coming weeks.

I started teaching last week and it has already proved to be an experience.  It’s only 3 hours of actual teaching per day, but that on top of the lesson planning and grading AND the theory of writing class I’m taking AND the lupron has me feeling pretty run down at the end of the week day.  But, I love my students.  I’m especially fond of the 9th graders.  I hear most teachers hate teaching the younger high school students, but I just love them. They leave me with a smile on my face almost every day. 🙂

I have few other projects to share as well as an update on how our due date day went, but I’ll leave that for another post. I’ve got papers to grade! YIKES!

I’m getting antsy for these next 4 weeks to be over!!

Dear Baby,

Today would have been your due date.  Today should have been such a happy day.  We wanted you so much and haven’t stopped missing you and who you would have been.

Would you have preferred hockey or basketball?  Cats or dogs?  Would your eyes be blue like mine?  Or green like your dad’s?  Would you have a sense of humor like Opa?  Would you have Grandma wrapped around your finger?

No matter who you were, we love you so much it hurts.  It hurts every day knowing that you can’t be with us like we had hoped.

We were so excited when we found out about you.  We were so thankful and so happy to be able to finally share our lives with you.  You would have love our family.  Your dad would have been such a wonderful dad.  He’s so caring and fun.  He takes such good care of us.  Alice and Bella would have grown to love you.  Skill Set and Snow White would have been your best buddies.  We would have read lots of books and played in the snow.  We would have taken you to the beach and built sand castles.  We would have been so happy together.

Sometimes I feel like pieces of me died with you.  But, like ee cummings wrote, “i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)”

I love you, sweet baby.