NC RE Questions.

Life in North Carolina, so far, is good.  It’s a little lonely, but I knew that would be the case for a while until we really started getting out there and making friends.  We’ve learned that most people in Durham are also transplants and because of that no one around here has a lot of family close by.  They say this makes making friends a bit easier than in other parts of the country.  I suppose time will tell. 🙂

We’re slowly starting to be able to navigate on our own.  But honestly? I don’t know how people got around in new places before gps.  I would be just terrified if I didn’t have my phone with me here.  I don’t think I would leave my house alone. Ever.

I joined a knitting group.  My first time was last week and the second will be tomorrow.  The ladies I met were great!  They were all a good 7 to 25 years older than me, but that’s ok.  Because of the whole infertility business, I feel that I don’t often fit in with women my age anymore and that’s fine with me.

At this point, I’ve decided I’m not going to join a Resolve support group.  I loved my group in Illinois, but it took a while to really build connections, and I’m really hoping I won’t be a member of the infertile community for much longer.  Plus, the closest group is 45 minutes away, which is a bummer.

Which brings me to…. Our new RE!  My first appointment with them is tomorrow at 3:30.  I’ve been putting a list of questions together over the past week or so.  I’m hoping to both get a good idea about what I can expect from him as well as let him know that I’m not interested in screwing around.  We have a $30,000 fertility coverage max and I plan to use it wisely.  If he can’t do what we need him to do, I won’t hesitate to find another Dr.

I’m going to attach my list of questions.  If you have any thoughts about additional or follow-up questions, please let me know! 🙂

• What is your clinic’s overall cost per cycle?  Does this include medication?
• What is your yearly charge for freezing embryos?
  Is it covered under my insurance?
  How long until they are moved to long term storage?
• After reviewing my medical records, do you have any theories as to what the problem might be?  Is it more than just endo?
  –>Has he looked at my records before the appointment?
• How much experience do you have with IVF and endometriosis?
• Do you prefer a day 3 or day 5 transfer?  Why?
• How many embryos do you typically transfer? Why? (we want two transferred).
• What are your personal success rates?
• What do you think my chance of success is?
• Do you recommend genetic testing?
• Do you use ICSI? Why or why not?
• What do your retrieval and transfer protocols look like?
• Should I expect bed rest after transfer?
• What kind of medication protocol are you thinking about? Why?
• Do you use long term lupron to treat endometriosis? Why?
• How often will I get updates on my embryos before the transfer?
• Will you be doing my retrieval and transfer?
• How will you handle my past history of OHSS?
  At what point do you typically cancel a cycle?
  Is this based on ovary size or estrogen number?
• What is the protocol if I do get pregnant?
  How long do I see you?
  Do you have a recommended OB?

I know.  I’m a control freak.  It is what it is.  😉  I will update after tomorrow’s appointment.  Cross your fingers and say some prayers for us!

Clean House

Our house has been on the market for 3 1/2 days now and it’s 3rd showing is tonight.  I’m glad people are looking at it, I just really hope someone is interested in it.  I want someone to love our house as much as we love our house.  🙂  And I really want it to sell before we leave in 2 weeks.  

Because it’s been showing almost every night this week, I’ve been cleaning the entire house everyday.  I am so tired of cleaning.. 😉
BUT, I think, for the first time in almost 26 years, I finally understand how to keep my house clean and looking good.  I have a bad habit of letting the clutter and the animal hair and the dishes get out of control.  And then I try to tackle everything, get overwhelmed, and refuse to clean again for 2 weeks.  But, now that I’m going over everything daily, I’ve noticed that it’s a lot easier.  I spend less time cleaning because I’m cleaning more often.  I’m sure most of you (and my mom… Hi MOM!) are already aware of this cleaning phenomenon, but evidently I needed to experience it to understand it.  

On the flip side, I’m also afraid to use my house because I don’t want to have to re-clean something.  The dogs have been angels all week because I’m letting them sleep on our bed all day long so that in the evening when there’s a showing, I just have to fluff the duvet, throw on their leashes, and head to the car.  They think they’re getting away with something, but hey, it’s a win-win.

In other news, the NCCRM sent me the link to their online portal.  Yes. It’s online.  All of it.  I signed in, filled out our histories (and boy, there was a whole lot more than the last time I saw a new RE…), and hit “save”.  That was it.  It also shows future appointments, test results, instructions, medication, and more.  It’s awesome!  I don’t have most of my records from Dr. B’s because they only told you what you needed to know or asked for.  Now, I’ll have access to everything so I can obsess about it throughout every single piece of my cycle. 😉  But really, I’m excited to have a place to see and store all of that information.  I’ve got good feelings about this place!  My appointment is less than 4 weeks away and I can’t wait!

We leave 2 weeks from tomorrow!  I can’t believe the time is going so quickly! We’re using 2 containers from PackRat to ship our things down to North Carolina and our first one will be here on Monday.  I’m excited!  Now if only this house would sell…

That Escalated Quickly..

Why yes, Ron Burgundy, yes it did. 😉

I went in for monitoring this morning for my day 14 follicle check.  It was the first check of this cycle and I really wasn’t sure what we’d find since we haven’t been babysitting my follicles like we normally do.  After drawing 7 VIALS OF BLOOD for my autoimmune workup, I headed over to the ultrasound room where we found one very adorable 19 mm follicle sitting pretty on my right ovary.  Not as big as last month, but not a bad size at all.  While they said it depended on how my blood work came back, they were planning on a Friday morning IUI.  Good thing too because my novarel hasn’t come in the mail yet.

Just kidding.  My estrogen came back at 243 with a Lh of 36.  That follicle is ready to go.  Like now.  So we’re heading back bright and early tomorrow morning for IUI #3.  I’m crossing my fingers that UPS doesn’t drop the ball and that my novarel will be here soon.  I have two syringes full of ovidrel in my fridge just in case, but Dr. B is finding his patients are having better success with… intramuscular injections… Oi… My rear end hurts just thinking about what’s in store for it later this evening.

My awesome older sister has volunteered to stab that bad boy in for me since Jeremy can’t guarantee me he won’t choke halfway through.  I appreciate his honestly because.. ow… Although I do secretly wonder if she’s looking forward to stabbing a needle an inch into my butt.  It’s something everyone has secretly dreamed of doing to their siblings, right?  😉  Either way, it’s getting done.  It’s science. 😉

Come on, IUI #3, we’re rooting for you!!

Follicle, Oh, Follicle

Well.  We’re back to it again.

Yesterday morning, I woke up with a knot it my stomach.  It was my first monitoring appointment in 3 cycles at Dr. B’s.  What would we find?  Had all of the chiropractic work done anything?  I snuggled in bed with the greyhounds for half an hour instead of eating breakfast and fixing my hair.  Ponytails at the RE’s office are cool, right?

I met up with a friend who just had her first IVF transfer a week and a half ago.  She was getting her first beta done (I’M SO EXCITED!!) and waited while I had a very romantic Valentine’s Day date with the ultrasound probe.  We found a 15mm follicle on day 12 with my estrogen at only 83.  My uterine lining is a little thin, so I’m now taking baby asprin once a day on top of my other supplements.

I don’t know how I feel about this.  To make it easier, I had just started to think we were just going through the fertility treatment rounds before we finally made it to adopting our take home baby.  I’ve been really excited about this adoption lately and far less sad about my infertility than usual.  Knowing my body is still responding and hasn’t completely shut down my reproductive organs made me stop and reexamine my feelings.  When let myself think it really wasn’t an option to have biological kids, I forgot how much I want them.  Getting caught up in this “maybe” or “what if” is really making me feel so conflicted.  And I know, it doesn’t really matter how I feel.  Either we’ll get pregnant within the next few months, or we won’t.  If we don’t, we’ll adopt.  That’s the plan.  Either way, we get a baby.  It’s just throwing me for a loop to get back into it and to know if we’re close to a pregnancy or not.

Anywho, I go back on Monday to recheck if this adorable follicle has made enough progress and if my estrogen is where it should be.  We’ve agreed to trigger with an ovidrel injection if my Lh levels are too low and everything else looks good.  It will still be a later than preferred ovulation (day 16 or 17), but it’s an ovulation.  I’m worried they’re going to tell us to cancel the cycle because my estrogen is so low.  Crossing my fingers that it rockets up to 150+ by Monday.

And for an “awwww” factor, here’s Snow White being more adorable than my follicle. 😉

 

Hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Here We Go Again.

After taking the past week and a half to step back and process what happened, I think I’m in a better place.  We’re not as devastated or as shocked and we’re better able to look at the loss of our baby logically.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it will be a good long while before I stop feeling so heartbroken, but we’re moving on with life because it’s the only thing we can do.

I’ve been injecting 112.5 units of Gonal-f for the past week.  Wednesday’s CD 9 appointment revealed 2 follicles (16 mm and 10 mm) and an estrogen level of 140.  That’s almost triple what my estrogen was at this point last month on 75 units of Gonal-f.   They didn’t think the 10mm follicle would mature enough, so it was looking like another 1 follicle cycle.  But, with the higher estrogen, I wasn’t complaining.

At today’s CD 11 appointment,  they found both follicles had grown to 17 mm.  2 follicles.  Finally.  My estrogen came back at a whopping 246 (it was 247 at our CD 15 IUI last cycle).  Our IUI is scheduled first thing Monday morning with an ovidrel injection on Sunday afternoon.  Yet again, everything looks perfect.  Maybe the higher estrogen and double follicles will do the trick this time.

It feels like this one came up so quickly.  I know it’s just because so much has been going on, but I’m thankful the time hasn’t been dragging.  The extra Gonal-f in my system has really been kicking my butt.  I feel a lot like I felt when I was taking clomid (minus the cysts of death).  Headaches, epic fatigue, cramps, forgetfulness, and confusion/spaciness.  My focus has been completely gone this week.  It took me close to 5 hours on Tuesday to create a 40 minute lesson plan.  I can usually pump those bad boys out within an hour.  It is what it is though.  I’m trying not to think about it.  I’m not getting my hopes up about this IUI.  I’m not terrified it’s not going to work.  I can handle that.  I’m worried we’re going to lose another baby (or babies this time).  If it happens again, I think we’ll be done trying for a while.

I’ve got a list of things I want to get done this weekend.  After Monday, I’m going to be afraid to move…  I’ll update Monday afternoon.

Done and Done

WELLLLL, the IUI is done.  It’s been just over 24 hours.  Too early to test? Maybe? Yes?  😉

But in all seriousness, thanks so much for the comments yesterday.  I’m feeling cautiously positive.

Jeremy and I got up just before 6 am yesterday morning in order to get to Dr. B’s by 7.  We were both dragging our feet getting ready and ended up running out the door with barely enough time to make the 25 minute drive.  I think we were both a little apprehensive and a lot nervous about what the morning would bring.

After he did his thing, they told us to go to breakfast and be back in an hour or so.  I thought they were a little crazy for thinking we would be able to eat and think about anything other than what was going to get shoved up into my lady parts in an hour, but we actually had a surprisingly nice time at breakfast.  We haven’t had a ton of time lately to just sit and chat.  We’ve had so much company and so much going on with the house, that it was really nice to just have a few minutes to ourselves before things threatened to get crazy again.  I know I also needed the time to finish wrapping my head around what was about to happen.

When we got back to Dr. B’s, they got us right into the room and had me change.  I was expecting something way over the top, but the whole thing was so informal and so relaxed.  I needed that.  I needed them to act like this was normal and ok.  I needed to feel like I wasn’t a failure for having to go through with this.  And they definitely gave me that.

Now.  Things might get a little TMI, but since you’re reading a blog where I frequently talk about my lady parts, I’m going to assume you’re ok with that. 😉
Sooooo, in the speculum went.  Not comfortable when you’re just getting an exam, even more uncomfortable when you know what’s coming next.  Then the catheter.  Ugh.  She warned me before she started that I would probably feel some pressure and maybe a little bit of cramping when she was almost to the top of my uterus.  Almost as soon as she started the cramping was excruciating.  I was going to just go with it, but she decided that there might be something wrong and called another nurse in to do an ultrasound while she inserted the catheter.
They squirted the cold ultrasound gel onto my stomach and immediately found my uterus.  She inserted the catheter again and, like before, the cramping was awful.  The nurse doing the ultrasound told her to stop and pull the catheter back.  She had been hitting the top of my uterus with the catheter.  Multiple times.  Evidently, I have a really short uterus.  Ow.  Ow. Ow.  They told me that shouldn’t have any impact on my ability (or inability) to get pregnant.

BUT, they kept the ultrasound on and turned the screen towards us while the injected the “specimen” 😉 into my uterus.  It was just a blob of white, but it was actually really neat to be able to see that.

I was a little crampy off an on yesterday.  I ended up staying home from class, and am actually really happy I did.  Today, I’m still crampy and have had just a small touch of spotting.  I’m super tired, but that could just be from the excitement and stress.

I took Skill to the dog park earlier and we were both exhausted after walking the island for half an hour.  I’m going to focus on napping and making his winter coat and hat for the rest of the day.  I saw this picture before we got him and decided I HAVE to figure out the knitting pattern for this hat.
Her site is in Swedish, but even with after using google translate on the whole page, I didn’t see anything for the actual pattern.   Soooo, Skill and I are going to figure it out ourselves.  And it’s going to be adorable! 🙂
Other than that, we’re taking the weekend easy. It will be our first relaxed weekend since we’ve moved in.  Jeremy is cleaning the garage and I might bake something delicious.

Prometrium starts on Monday.  Does it make anyone else dizzy?  I’m going to start taking it at bedtime, because last month I looked like I was drunk 20 minutes after every pill… 😉

The Looming IUI

The past ten days have been so crazy busy…

It’s been a… greyhound smooching, long dog walking, presentation giving, epic cleaning, baking, ultrasound getting, cooking, Ikea shopping, family gathering, Grandmother hosting, church going, medication injecting, fireplace snuggling, coffee drinking, IUI scheduling, dog coat making, follicle growing, winter clothes wearing… week and a half. 🙂

Skill came home over a week ago, and it almost seems like he’s always lived here.  He’s probably one of the very best things we could have done for ourselves.  He’s a million times more effective than therapy and a million times cuter.  He’s the least demanding dog I’ve ever met.  He’s so relaxed and docile that it’s easy to forget he’s there.  He sleeps close to 20 hours a day, but he always makes sure he’s snoozing in the same room I’m in, so I’m never completely alone.  He loves Jeremy and I completely and I didn’t think we could love a dog as much as we love him already.  He’s sweet and affectionate and is happy to just be around us.  He sleeps on our bedroom floor straight through the night and is almost completely indifferent towards the cats.  The cats warmed up to him after only a few days and now happily curl up in bed with us despite him being just a few feet away.

Our family feels good.  I feel somewhat content for the first time in years.  I don’t know if it will last, but I’m so happy and thankful for this goofy and sensitive dog. 🙂

In other news, my grandmother and aunt came to visit this weekend and stayed with us.  It’s the first overnight company we’ve had here and the first time I’ve ever hosted a family gathering.  It was such a nice weekend. 🙂  We chatted and baked and cooked and shopped and just spent time together.

It was all a welcome distraction from our upcoming IUI.  Thursday’s day 8 ultrasound found a lot of little follicles, but nothing dominant.  My estrogen was at 50.  Today’s day 12 ultrasound found one 18mm follicle.  Just one again.  I’m a little bummed out, but Dr. B said he’d rather see one good sized follicle with good estrogen, than two ok sized follicles splitting the estrogen.  I don’t even know if I have the energy to care really.  Between having company all weekend and the Gonal-f injections, I’m wiped out.  I don’t think I even have the emotional energy to invest in this cycle.  I’m just going to do what they tell me to do for now and see what happens.  We’ve never tried an IUI before and the Gonal-f is working — I have a large follicle and estrogen levels to prove it.

I go back for more blood work and an ultrasound on Wednesday morning.  They’re aiming for Thursday or Friday for the IUI.  Jeremy offered to take the whole day off, which I’m incredibly thankful for.  We might not be making a baby the old fashioned way, but at least he’ll be in the room when it happens and with me afterwards.

I’m taking the week easy and catching up on homework and actual work.  School is going alright.. sort of.  But that’s for another post.

Hesitant Updates…

I’ve been so hesitant to post anything fertility related lately, because it seems like every time I post something hopeful, my period starts just a few hours later…  BUT, I wanted to give an update because I’ll probably be a little out of touch this next weekend.

Tomorrow morning is our official test date.  I’ve been tempted to cheat all week, but I chickened out.  I would have taken one this morning, but I had to leave the house at 6:30 and knew I wouldn’t be home until 9:30 tonight.  I didn’t want to find out and then have a day like that.  So we decided to listen to Dr B and wait until tomorrow, which will be day 32 (14 or 15 days past ovulation) of my cycle.  If you remember, last cycle wasn’t even 24 days, so this is an improvement.   I’m still taking progesterone twice a day, and I still hate it.

I’m suddenly breaking out like a teenager (which didn’t make me feel better about starting my high school observations today…), and am more bloated than I’ve ever been– but surprisingly, I don’t feel bad really.  I just feel really tired.  Most of the time.

But, we’re going through life right now assuming this isn’t going to be our month.  We’ve been too busy and I’ve been too active.  We haven’t talked about any “What if’s” and I haven’t really looked at anything baby related for a couple weeks.  I don’t think I’ll be devastated when this cycle doesn’t work.  Keeping busy really is helping.

School is feeling overwhelming– getting back into the swing of things is harder than I expected.  Unpacking is getting there, but slowly due to school and being exhausted.  PLUS, Skill is coming home on Friday evening!  So we’ve been prepping and getting ready for him.  We’ve bought almost everything we need for him and are just waiting on a few things to come in the mail.

I won’t leave you hanging if we get a positive tomorrow or Friday.  But if you don’t hear from me, assume I’m off spending quality time with our new family member and have nothing exciting to report. 🙂

Moving Day is Tomorrow!

Yikes! Where have I been?  Out of control…  The movers come tomorrow afternoon, the house is move-in ready as of 1 am this morning, we go meet our greyhound tomorrow morning, and my uterine lining/progesterone levels are holding strong.

Not too shabby for the past week. 🙂  We spent a crazy amount of time getting this house ready over the long weekend.  Painting and cleaning and carpet cleaning and jungle patio overhauls ensued.  I know I overdid it, but such is life.  I haven’t gotten pregnant so far by taking it easy.  I am, however, taking it easier this week.  I’m feeling tired more easily and I’m far more emotional.  I’m resting when I need it and trying to get some extra sleep.

My mom and step dad and Jeremy’s parents helped us a lot, which was a gigantic relief.  Jeremy’s parents helped with all of the high VOC painting so I could stay away from the fumes, and my mom and step dad whipped our patio into something just beautiful after the previous owners let it turn into the Jungle Book over the summer.

We met some of our neighbors and they’re all so nice.  They’re all older than we are, but we kind of expected that.  They all just seem to be happy that someone bought the house and is starting to take care of it again.  We’re really enjoying watching the house transform into something loved and well cared for.  The longer we spend there and the more projects we do, the more we love the house and can’t wait to make it into the perfect home for our family.  I can see us living in this house for years and years to come, changing and improving things along the way.

It’s two blocks from the elementary school, two blocks from the river walk, and still nice and close to both of our families.  It has plenty of room for visitors and plenty of options to change as our family grows.

How are things on the family front?  We are 8 days past ovulation.  I’ve been taking prometrium supplements twice a day since Sunday.  My uterine lining looks good.  We’re at cycle day 26.  Farther than last month, still a few days to go.  I’ve been a little crampy off and on for the past couple days.  Nothing super painful, just uncomfortable.  It usually stops when I lay down.  I’ve also lost 4 pounds in the past week.  I know I’ve been really active, but I’ve also been eating like a horse, so I’m not sure what that means.

Dr. B doesn’t want me to test until Thursday… I don’t know if I can hold out that long.  I’ll definitely be waiting until early next week though.  I’m terrified that the oviderel will still be in my system and I’ll get a very very false positive.  I don’t have a good feeling about this cycle though.  I have a feeling my period will start before I get a chance to test.

Today, I’m going to finish packing and day dream about picking our greyhound tomorrow. 🙂

Mini Follicles

I’m getting ready to call shenanigans on Dr. B’s positivity in this cycle.

I went in for my CD 12 untrasound/blood work/post coital test this morning.  I’ve been having a lot of lower back pain and everything I’ve read said that usually means your follicles are growing nicely.  I was expecting to see a few 18mm+ follicles on the scan.  Just kidding…

She found 4 larger follicles, and by larger I mean 12 to 14 mm each.  Thanks for nothing, Gonal-F.  I had one that big at last month’s CD 13 appointment without meds.  Also, the post coital test revealed exactly zero mobile sperm…  Since Jeremy’s last  test was great, I’m going to assume my very hostile body is killing everything.  Isn’t that special?

The one thing that makes me think we might be moving in the right direction is that my estrogen level is double what it was at this time last month.  109.  Still way too low, but much much better than 53.  They’re not giving up the cycle yet.  I’ve got another box of Gonal-F and will continue with 75 units once a day through the weekend.  They’re going to scan everything again on Monday and go from there.  I’m wondering if Dr. B will be at all interested in converting to an IUI if Monday’s post coital is bad again.  The Gonal-F is starting to burn when it’s injected.  I’m hoping I just hit a nerve yesterday and that’s not going to be the norm.

I’m going to try not to think about it for the weekend.  My second cousin is going to be in town tomorrow for a few hours and we never get to see her, so it will be nice to spend some time together. 🙂  PLUSSSS, our closing date changed.  TO NEXT WEDNESDAY! Yes, they moved it up.  5 days and counting to home-ownership.  🙂  I booked our moving company today too.  We officially move into the new house two weeks from tomorrow.   Also, grad school starts on Wednesday.  Out. Of. Control.

In all honesty, this is probably the best time for a failed cycle to happen.  We’re so busy with moving and school and work that I haven’t had much time to think and obsess about what’s going on.  That’s what we pay Dr. B and the nurses to do.  I’m less invested in this cycle than I’ve ever been.  I’ll be disappointed, but I’ve got enough to focus on that it won’t be nearly as crushing as past cycles.  Unless we switch to an IUI and then all bets are off and I’ll probably fall apart.  You know.

Packing is well underway though… The cats are having panic attacks. 😉