Meow.

This morning, I took the cats to the vet and spent close to $300 making sure they were up to date on shots and that they were perfectly healthy.

I’ve always wondered if Jeremy and I have a slightly unhealthy attachment to our cats.  People always tease us about how we talk to them, although Jeremy talking to them early in the morning when he’s giving them their breakfast might be the cutest thing ever.  They always get Christmas and birthday presents.  And the number of pictures we take of our cats borders on ridiculous…

Honestly though, the thought of something happening to our cats is terrifying.  I don’t know what we would do if anything happened to them.  Especially now that all of this infertility business is going on.   They give us something to baby, something to take care of besides ourselves.  I think this horrible journey would be infinitely harder with out our furry buddies by our sides.  They’re usually good for a few minutes of cuddles each per day. 😉

For today, at least, I don’t have to worry.  They vet assured me that other than being a little extra chubby, they’re in perfect shape.  We should get another 17+ years out of them yet. 🙂

Waiting

For the first time in almost two years, I’m waiting anxiously for my period to start.  I want it to start.  Dr. B is almost positive that we won’t be pregnant this month, and I’m convinced that I’ll finally start feeling better once it does.

The stabbing, burning pain from the cysts has turned into an intense cramping.  It was getting a little better every day, and I was starting to have a little more energy every day.  Until I woke up at 4:30 this morning with the worst cramps I’ve had in years…   Blah.  I’ve been sleeping a lot.  Some days I can’t stop eating, other days food sounds like the worst idea ever.  I’m hoping the calorie intake is balancing out.  I only have one vicodin left.  I’m saving it just in case things start to feel worse.  These cysts are definitely worse than last time, so I’m assuming they’ll take longer to feel better.  I can touch my stomach now, which is a huge improvement.

It’s still making me crazy that all of this pain is really for nothing.  There’s nothing good or beneficial about this.  There will be no baby from this.

The cats, however, are taking full advantage of all of this laying around…

 

Petal Quilt

While I should be packing for our Texas trip, I thought I’d take some pictures of my new quilt instead. 😉

I started working on it in January after I got a nice intro to quilting book for Christmas. I’ve been knitting for a long time, and I wanted to start working with a another medium.  I’ve been working on it off and on since then.

In hindsight, I realized what a bad idea it was to start with appliques as my first quilt.  Not fun if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Bella likes to “help” with things like this. 😉

Through a lot of trial and error, I learned how to use my free motion quilting foot.  You can totally tell where I started on this quilt and where I ended up.  By the end of the 24th square, I had definitely gotten the hang of it. 🙂

I also ordered personalized quilt tags.  They’ve got my initials on the front and a mustache on the back.  Why a mustache?  Because mustaches are funny. 😉

4 1/2 months later and it’s finished.  It has a lot of mistakes, but I made the entire thing myself.  I’m really proud of it.  I also really like the pattern.  I think I’ll make it again in a couple years when I’m a little better at it. 😉

And of course, Bella is on hand to quality control.  It’s Bella approved. 😉

Off to pack for Texas.  We leave tomorrow night.  I’ll probably post again when we get there. 🙂

On and On and On…

I’m in a good place today.  The temperature in Chicago is supposed to hit 60 degrees.  LOVE it!

The last time I posted, I mentioned burning down my parents’ barn… No, that wasn’t an emotional threat.  It happened. 😉  It was old and unsalvageable, so away it went.

Isn’t the view behind it pretty?  They’re putting a pond in instead.  These fires were massive.  They were so hot it was hard to get close to them.  We didn’t need coats and it was fantastic.  We had fun too.

I call this series "Smooches"

 

In other news, Jeremy and I are the proud new parents of two 8 week old rats.  Yes, rats.  They’re like mini cats, dogs, and bunnies.  They’re adorable!

Roxy and Molly

They live in my office.  We’re still getting used to each other.  When they’re adults, they can weigh up to a pound and a half each.  Woo!  Right now, Roxy weighs 2.8 oz and Molly weighs 2.3 oz.
Last night, I feel like they gave us a glimpse into parenthood.  Molly was sitting on my shoulder and Jeremy said, “I hope we’re not going to screw them up.”  😉  We’re very nervous about getting our baby rats to be super tame.  If we’re nervous about this, how bad is it goes to be when we get an actual human baby?  They give us something to focus on though, something to parents that needs parenting.

We even have feuding siblings! 😉

Meanwhile, Jeremy got his appointment with the urologist moved up to March 23rd.  That’s in 2 1/2 weeks!  We’ll have some definitive answers in 2 1/2 weeks!  I feel like this whole process has been dragging on and on and on and on.  I see the light at the end of the diagnostic tunnel.  The infertility treatment tunnel is on the other side, but we’re coming to the end of a HUGE tunnel.

I’m getting outside today with Alice and Bella.  It’s almost garden season. ❤

 

Square One

Did you know that sperm take around 90 days to develop completely?  Did you also know that illness or high fevers can dramatically alter a man’s sperm count?  Neither did we.

A week or two before Jeremy’s first test, we both had a horrendous flu.  High fevers, body aches.. the works.

Sooooo, Dr. R wants Jeremy’s test repeated the first week of April.  Which means, we’re back to square one.  We have no idea what’s wrong and we’re back to waiting.  I am thankful that there’s a good possibility Jeremy is fine.  He didn’t need that hanging over him.

Two weeks from tomorrow, I’ll see my doctor and hopefully we’ll get more answers.

I’m taking my Christmas decorations down today.  I planned out my garden the other night.  I’m working on some stranded socks.  I finished Might Be Our Power last night.  Focus.

Meanwhile, Bella has to visit the vet in the morning.  She’s got a urinary tract infection. 😦 Poor kitty.

❤

 

October 2: 7 Years

Although this weekend started out pretty rough, it seemed to end on a better note.  There were a lot of tears this time.  I wonder if it’s going to keep getting harder.  I had assumed it would get easier, and it was for a while.  I think the worst part is that there isn’t anything that can be done right now.  No one can make this easier, no one can make this hurt less.  I’m developing this deep anger at body that, for once, doesn’t stem from a physical trait.  I feel incompetent, useless, broken.  I feel like there’s something wrong with me.  Like anything else that isn’t performing the way it should, the way it was made to, things feel very wrong.

I’ve wondered a lot lately about never having kids.  A lot of people don’t.  We originally weren’t having any.  We’ve been talking about greyhounds.  And an iguana.  But then what?  I suppose we have endless possibilities.  Fostering, adopting, dying all alone… to name a few.  No positive enough?  Too bad.

We saw a couple movies this weekend.   Abduction with Taylor Lautner (No, there are no werewolves.  Dissapointed?  Me too. 😉 ) and 50/50 with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogan.  50/50 is the big winner.  Jeremy and I both agreed that it was a GOOD movie.  We don’t often agree on things like that.  I laughed, I cried (real shocker, right?), and then I laughed some more.

I did some sewing.  I slept a lot.  Laundry.  I cuddled with Bella.  And Alice.  I know, crazy weekend.

I suppose on one happy note, Jeremy and I started dating 7 years ago today.  Here’s a picture from a few days later.  It was our Junior Homecoming, we were 16-years-old:

Aww, look how clueless we were... 😉

We really liked each other.  Cute and smart?  –>Winning.  We fought a lot.  We went through a lot.  But 7 years later, he’s still my very best friend, the best husband I could ever hope for, and the best man that I know.  Despite everything we’re dealing with right now, I’m still a very lucky girl.

Moving Pains.

I. am. exhausted.

We’re moving this weekend.  In fact, the first load is leaving in about 12 hours.  Am I packed? Not completely.  Should I really be writing a blog?  Probably not.  Then, why am I?  Because I need a quick break.

I’m really looking forward to leaving this apartment, but this is reminding me for the 4th time in 3 years how much I HATE moving.  It’s unsettling and such a pain.  When we moved into this apartment last year I told Jeremy I didn’t want to move again until we could afford to hire movers to do everything for us… Yea, right.  Hello, my name is Jessica and I’ll be your mover today! 😉

Jeremy has been working crazy hours lately.  I think he sneaked into bed around 4 am yesterday and as of 11 pm tonight still isn’t home.  I’m really missing him.  I think more for the support than anything right now.  Moving and midterms don’t mesh well.

I have a suspicion that the bronchitis/pneumonia/cold/sinus infection I just finally got over is making its way back.  Slowly but surely.  I was feeling pretty good for a couple weeks, but I think I might be trying to do too much.  Spring break starts in a week though, so there will be plenty of time for sleeping then. 🙂

Bella and I took a quick break earlier to respond to some emails… We didn’t want to get up…

Off to finish packing the bedroom.  Falling asleep on my squishy bed almost sounds like a better option.

Meow.

I’ve come to realize that I take a lot of pictures of my cats…  Especially lately…

Crazy cat lady? Probably.  But is that really a bad thing?  Probably not.  Hemingway (who had 30 cats– and named them all) once said, “A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”

He isn’t the only famous person who loved his cats.  Edgar Allen Poe, F.Scott Fitzgerald, Charles Dickens, Cleopatra, William Pakepeace Thackeray, Victor Hugo, Marie Antoinette, Alexandre Dumas, Winston Churchhill, and Queen Victoria (among countless others) owned and wrote about their cats.  Is it a coincidence that all of those people are either queens or authors?  Probably not. 😉 

Anywho, I have a top ten list for you today about why I love my cats…
1.  They sleep constantly — much like me
2.  They’re relatively self sufficient
3.  They’re fluffy and adorable and perfect to cuddle with
4.  Despite their moodiness, they are completely loyal
5.  They’re full of personality
6.  We understand eachother (eventually I’ll teach them French 😉 )
7.  They keep me company when I stay up all night writing
8.  They appreciate yarn almost as much as I do
9.  They catch bugs for me
10.  Because they’re completely kickass. 🙂

In other news, the apartment is FINALLY unpacked and in order and my class finished up today — 4 1/2 weeks of NOTHING.

Life is Good.

From Bella’s Bathtub

She looks all cute and cuddly... until you're not looking...

Bella, for those of you who don’t know, is one of my 2 cats.  She’s a year and a half old, has grey, white, and black stripes, and is quite fat.  Like most cats, Bella thinks she is better than everyone.  She has this way of looking at you that makes you feel like a complete idiot…

slightly terrifying...

After feeling bad about yourself and questioning your existence for a few minutes, you realize a fat, fluffy cat has evoked these ridiculous emotions and you move on with you life.  I’ve learned some of my best cold-hearted stares from Bella.

Anywho, Bella, much to her dismay, had a bath today.  In fact, she’s gotten big enough that she’s moved from the kitchen sink to the actual bathtub.  She sulks through it, all the while glaring at me.  I’m sure if she could talk, I would be exposed to an impressive string of profanities. 😉
Afterwards, true to form, she sprints from the bathroom before I can catch her and just take a guess as to where she ends up every. single. time.  My pillow.  She curls up on my pillow and licks herself dry.
Therefore, Bella’s bath day has become synonymous with  laundry day. 😉

She'll get over it eventually 😉

Today’s bath product:  Furminator Deshedding Cat Shampoo (and it smells fabulous 🙂 )