Still Packing

We started loading our shipping container yesterday.  It’s pretty bittersweet.  

Because we want to keep the house looking as staged as possible, we’re having to pick and choose from each room what should get packed first.  Last night, we decided my bookshelves were going to be our first task.

I have a lot of books.  I love books.  They’re functional decoration. 🙂  That also means I have A LOT of book shelves.  Here’s what they looked like in our living room yesterday morning:
That engineer husband of mine calculated that this was close to 1,000lbs of books.  We turned the shelves on their sides and packed them with books so we could use every single inch of space.  

Here’s what my living room looks like without them…
It’s so sad and boring now.  We should probably hang a picture there, but I don’t feel like putting another hole in the wall for just a week.

BUT, it all condensed and packed really well and now I know that our house will fit into 2 of the shipping containers that we ordered. 🙂  I’m getting more and more excited as we get closer to our moving date (a week from Friday!).  Our house has had a few showings and we’re trying to be calm and zen about it selling.  It will sell.  It will.  🙂

Tonight, we’re tackling my office and family room.  We have this container until Thursday and container 2 comes on Friday.

I’m thinking of this next week as the home stretch.  It’s almost over.  And then great things are going to happen!

Clean House

Our house has been on the market for 3 1/2 days now and it’s 3rd showing is tonight.  I’m glad people are looking at it, I just really hope someone is interested in it.  I want someone to love our house as much as we love our house.  🙂  And I really want it to sell before we leave in 2 weeks.  

Because it’s been showing almost every night this week, I’ve been cleaning the entire house everyday.  I am so tired of cleaning.. 😉
BUT, I think, for the first time in almost 26 years, I finally understand how to keep my house clean and looking good.  I have a bad habit of letting the clutter and the animal hair and the dishes get out of control.  And then I try to tackle everything, get overwhelmed, and refuse to clean again for 2 weeks.  But, now that I’m going over everything daily, I’ve noticed that it’s a lot easier.  I spend less time cleaning because I’m cleaning more often.  I’m sure most of you (and my mom… Hi MOM!) are already aware of this cleaning phenomenon, but evidently I needed to experience it to understand it.  

On the flip side, I’m also afraid to use my house because I don’t want to have to re-clean something.  The dogs have been angels all week because I’m letting them sleep on our bed all day long so that in the evening when there’s a showing, I just have to fluff the duvet, throw on their leashes, and head to the car.  They think they’re getting away with something, but hey, it’s a win-win.

In other news, the NCCRM sent me the link to their online portal.  Yes. It’s online.  All of it.  I signed in, filled out our histories (and boy, there was a whole lot more than the last time I saw a new RE…), and hit “save”.  That was it.  It also shows future appointments, test results, instructions, medication, and more.  It’s awesome!  I don’t have most of my records from Dr. B’s because they only told you what you needed to know or asked for.  Now, I’ll have access to everything so I can obsess about it throughout every single piece of my cycle. 😉  But really, I’m excited to have a place to see and store all of that information.  I’ve got good feelings about this place!  My appointment is less than 4 weeks away and I can’t wait!

We leave 2 weeks from tomorrow!  I can’t believe the time is going so quickly! We’re using 2 containers from PackRat to ship our things down to North Carolina and our first one will be here on Monday.  I’m excited!  Now if only this house would sell…

House for Sale!

Welp, our house is officially on the market, we signed a lease for a 3 bedroom house just outside of Raleigh, and we’ve started to pack.

This weekend was crazy as we rushed to finish up all the little projects that have been waiting over the past year.  My office got beautiful new floor boards, the living room paint got touched up, the closets and bedrooms got new door knobs, the door frame that Snow White ate earlier this year got replaced, and all of the outlets and switches got replaced.  Our house looks gorgeous.  It’s never looked so put together and so clean.. lol!  It makes selling it just a little harder.  

It makes me said that we didn’t get to have the life we planned here.  But at the same time, part of me is hoping and looking forward to leaving all of the sad things that have happened in the past year and half here.  They’ll stay here with this house and we’ll be able to start fresh.  

I made an appointment for December 9 with the North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine.  They were so nice when I called and explained that we were moving into the area.  And their accents?  The cutest!  I’m excited to start IVF.  I’m excited for this HUGE possibility that we’ve been blessed with.  

I found this on Etsy.. 

 

Click here to see the listing.

Do I think the IVF is going to work?  I have no idea.  But I’m so excited to try. 🙂   Cross your fingers and send some prayers this way for a quick offer on our house.  It will make moving away that much easier. ❤

3.5 weeks to go!

We drove to North Carolina and back to Chicago this weekend.  It was crazy and exhausting, but we feel so much better about moving so far away now.  The drive was long, but not awful.  We got to drive through the mountains and neither of us had seen those mountains before.

We ate GREAT food the whole time we were in Raleigh.  Maybe this sounds silly, but we couldn’t get over the number of tree that are in and around Raleigh.  I’m used to flat land with some trees, but Raleigh’s trees are so dense and beautiful.  It was awesome.

We looked at 7 different houses to rent.  We want to rent for a year before we buy to give us time to get to know the area.  We found two that we really like, both are just outside of Raleigh though.  Our first pick is a townhouse and we’re waiting to see if the owner approves our lease.  It’s looking good though.  Cross your fingers.  It doesn’t have a yard, but nothing we looked at did, so we’ll be doing a lot of walking and using the dog parks.  It’s only a year.  I keep telling myself that. 😉

We had time on Sunday morning before the rest of our showings, so we checked out a church that is by Jeremy’s new office building.  And we loved it.  The pastor was excellent and we met a few really welcoming people.  That made us feel a lot better too. 🙂

It was a good and productive trip.  It really alleviated a lot of our fears about moving.  We just need to get our house listed and sold and things will be looking amazing.

We move in 3 1/2 weeks!

WHAT?!

Well, kids, life has turned upside down, right side up, and back upside down again….

I know I left you hanging after my appointment with Dr. B, but honestly, there wasn’t much to say.  IVF or nothing.  BUT it was the way he said it.  He made me feel guilty for being apprehensive about paying for IVF out of pocket.  He made me feel guilty for wanting to adopt rather than spend $10,000 on a chance to have a baby.  He made me feel horrible.  But I knew it was coming.

And then things got all kinds of wonky.  Every so often, Jeremy applies for a job somewhere else in the country that he thinks looks interesting.  I’ve always said “If we can bring the dogs and cats, then I’m in.”  I never thought it would actually happen.  But it did.  He got called for an interview the day after he turned his application in.  5 interviews and a bit of salary negotiation later and….

We’re moving to Raleigh, North Carolina!!  Weird. Terrifying.  Exciting.  Yes.

But what else? IVF COVERAGE!!!!  It was an amazing offer complete with IVF coverage!  What the what?!

I know, I know, we JUST bought our house last year.  And we JUST got settled.  And we JUST put our fence up and did some lovely landscaping.  However… this feels good.  It feels like a fresh start with fresh and exciting opportunities.  It also feels like the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life… But we’ll be fine…

We have the chance to create a family in North Carolina.  It’s more of a chance than we’ve had in a long time.  There are two good clinics down there and Dr. B highly recommended the North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine.  I might still get to have a baby.  We had talked ourselves out of the possibility, but now that it’s an option again, I think we’re both realizing that it’s still important to us.  It’s something we still want.  Even though we both used to say that we’d never do IVF.  Just kidding. 😉

I’ve never lived outside of Chicago.  And now we’re moving south east and it’s exciting.  We’re going to miss our families and friends like crazy, but I can’t help but think that THIS is where we’re supposed to be now.

We’re planning to move on November 30.  We’ll be down there this weekend to look at houses.

Seeing as we’ve never been to Raleigh, we’ll take any tips or thoughts anyone has about where to live. 😉

More updates soon!

Moving Day is Tomorrow!

Yikes! Where have I been?  Out of control…  The movers come tomorrow afternoon, the house is move-in ready as of 1 am this morning, we go meet our greyhound tomorrow morning, and my uterine lining/progesterone levels are holding strong.

Not too shabby for the past week. 🙂  We spent a crazy amount of time getting this house ready over the long weekend.  Painting and cleaning and carpet cleaning and jungle patio overhauls ensued.  I know I overdid it, but such is life.  I haven’t gotten pregnant so far by taking it easy.  I am, however, taking it easier this week.  I’m feeling tired more easily and I’m far more emotional.  I’m resting when I need it and trying to get some extra sleep.

My mom and step dad and Jeremy’s parents helped us a lot, which was a gigantic relief.  Jeremy’s parents helped with all of the high VOC painting so I could stay away from the fumes, and my mom and step dad whipped our patio into something just beautiful after the previous owners let it turn into the Jungle Book over the summer.

We met some of our neighbors and they’re all so nice.  They’re all older than we are, but we kind of expected that.  They all just seem to be happy that someone bought the house and is starting to take care of it again.  We’re really enjoying watching the house transform into something loved and well cared for.  The longer we spend there and the more projects we do, the more we love the house and can’t wait to make it into the perfect home for our family.  I can see us living in this house for years and years to come, changing and improving things along the way.

It’s two blocks from the elementary school, two blocks from the river walk, and still nice and close to both of our families.  It has plenty of room for visitors and plenty of options to change as our family grows.

How are things on the family front?  We are 8 days past ovulation.  I’ve been taking prometrium supplements twice a day since Sunday.  My uterine lining looks good.  We’re at cycle day 26.  Farther than last month, still a few days to go.  I’ve been a little crampy off and on for the past couple days.  Nothing super painful, just uncomfortable.  It usually stops when I lay down.  I’ve also lost 4 pounds in the past week.  I know I’ve been really active, but I’ve also been eating like a horse, so I’m not sure what that means.

Dr. B doesn’t want me to test until Thursday… I don’t know if I can hold out that long.  I’ll definitely be waiting until early next week though.  I’m terrified that the oviderel will still be in my system and I’ll get a very very false positive.  I don’t have a good feeling about this cycle though.  I have a feeling my period will start before I get a chance to test.

Today, I’m going to finish packing and day dream about picking our greyhound tomorrow. 🙂

Penguin Tuxedos and Family Heirlooms.

At this morning’s monitoring appointment, they found 1 follicle.  The others stopped developing.  My one follicle is measuring at 19mm at day 15.  While it’s a bummer that the other three stopped, I keep telling myself that 19mm is huge for me.  At day 21 last month, I only had an 18mm follicle.  As much as I wanted to increase our chance with a couple eggs, it only takes one egg to make a baby.  Over the past couple weeks, I’ve had a lot of people ask me about follicles and what that means, click here for a neat clip on follicle development and ovulation.

The ultrasound tech started preparing me for the possibility of needing an IUI (intrauterine insemination).  She told me that if this post coital test was bad again, that would probably be what was recommended next. Out of the 2 post coital tests I’ve had so far, they’ve never seen a live sperm.  My body is deadly….  I told her I was totally down with that; that I just want this to be over.

BUT, the IUI is off the table for now.  My estrogen came back at 140.  Still not where we want it, but definitely improving.  AND as for the post coital test….  They found 75% motility in the sperm outside of my cervix. WOOO!!  My body isn’t the mean, killing machine we thought it was. 😉  Dr. B wants me to continue with 75 units of Gonal-F today and tomorrow and then repeat blood work and ultrasound on Wednesday.  We’re hoping for a 21mm follicle and higher estrogen.

I’ve heard Dr. B has no problem cancelling a cycle at the last minute if he thinks there’s no chance.  I completely appreciate that.  I don’t want to put any more medication into my body than I absolutely have to.  But since he hasn’t cancelled us yet, I’m going to keep hoping we have a chance. 🙂

Our weekend was busy, but good.  It started with a large box of injectable medicines being delivered Saturday morning with this sticker on the box:

 

I have no idea what penguins in tuxedos have to do with not freezing your medications, but hey.  Jeremy was home to sign for them and sent me a reassuring text that he stuck them safely in the freezer.  He thinks he’s so funny… 😉

 

I mentioned that my cousin, Tina, was going to be in town for the day on Saturday.  She brought my niece some awesome horses and a beautiful quilt that her grandmother (my great grandmother, Calli’s great great grandmother) made.  Then she said she had something for me, but she didn’t want me to cry (not an easy request these days).

She brought me this dress that had been hers when she was a baby.  She had been saving it for if she ever had a daughter.  Her grandmother, my great grandmother, made this dress as well.  The selflessness of this gift, the fact that it is such a precious family heirloom, and Tina telling me that she knows I’ll get to use it one day were too much and found us both crying.

After my parents got divorced 16+ years ago, my sisters and I lost a lot of contact with my dad’s extended family.  We’ve slowly started reconnecting with them now that we’re all adults.  My brother and I went to my dad’s uncle’s funeral in January partially for that purpose.  No one else from our family went, but we had such a nice time talking to people who knew my parents when they were kids.  I mentioned in that post how sad I was to have lost so much time with these people.  Tina is another one of those people who I’m so sad that we didn’t know better as we were growing up.  She didn’t know I had gotten married until over a year after, and I didn’t know she’d gotten married until 10 years after. 😦

Right now, I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to give away something I’ve saved for my own babies.  It would be heart breaking.  She’s such a beautiful person.  I’m more than blessed to have such a wonderful first cousin, once removed. 🙂

Infertility sucks.  But it’s causing me to become closer to my family and making me realize how incredibly important they are.

I’m still packing like a champ.  Our final walk through is tomorrow and we close the day after tomorrow. 🙂

Mini Follicles

I’m getting ready to call shenanigans on Dr. B’s positivity in this cycle.

I went in for my CD 12 untrasound/blood work/post coital test this morning.  I’ve been having a lot of lower back pain and everything I’ve read said that usually means your follicles are growing nicely.  I was expecting to see a few 18mm+ follicles on the scan.  Just kidding…

She found 4 larger follicles, and by larger I mean 12 to 14 mm each.  Thanks for nothing, Gonal-F.  I had one that big at last month’s CD 13 appointment without meds.  Also, the post coital test revealed exactly zero mobile sperm…  Since Jeremy’s last  test was great, I’m going to assume my very hostile body is killing everything.  Isn’t that special?

The one thing that makes me think we might be moving in the right direction is that my estrogen level is double what it was at this time last month.  109.  Still way too low, but much much better than 53.  They’re not giving up the cycle yet.  I’ve got another box of Gonal-F and will continue with 75 units once a day through the weekend.  They’re going to scan everything again on Monday and go from there.  I’m wondering if Dr. B will be at all interested in converting to an IUI if Monday’s post coital is bad again.  The Gonal-F is starting to burn when it’s injected.  I’m hoping I just hit a nerve yesterday and that’s not going to be the norm.

I’m going to try not to think about it for the weekend.  My second cousin is going to be in town tomorrow for a few hours and we never get to see her, so it will be nice to spend some time together. 🙂  PLUSSSS, our closing date changed.  TO NEXT WEDNESDAY! Yes, they moved it up.  5 days and counting to home-ownership.  🙂  I booked our moving company today too.  We officially move into the new house two weeks from tomorrow.   Also, grad school starts on Wednesday.  Out. Of. Control.

In all honesty, this is probably the best time for a failed cycle to happen.  We’re so busy with moving and school and work that I haven’t had much time to think and obsess about what’s going on.  That’s what we pay Dr. B and the nurses to do.  I’m less invested in this cycle than I’ve ever been.  I’ll be disappointed, but I’ve got enough to focus on that it won’t be nearly as crushing as past cycles.  Unless we switch to an IUI and then all bets are off and I’ll probably fall apart.  You know.

Packing is well underway though… The cats are having panic attacks. 😉

Mucus Overrated.

Remember that time a few months ago when I thought we’d figured things out?  Remember when that turned out to be all wrong? Remember when we thought we’d figured it out again?  And then that turned out to be wrong? Again.  No?  Well, it did.

Today’s monitoring appointment was bad.  All around.  My estrogen at day 13? 53.  Everything I’ve read said it should be at least 100.  And follicles?  A couple on my right ovary, but they’re all too underdeveloped.  And my post coital test?  1 sperm.  1 single, non-swimming sperm.  Why?  They’re leaning towards thick cervical mucus, but they’re repeating a semen analysis just to be sure.  Luck us.  They’re not bothering with another blood draw/ultrasound before I “ovulate.”  They don’t think it would be beneficial.  Jeremy and I are both going back next Thursday.  They’ll be checking follicles, progesterone, and sperm count.  Fun, right?

I had a bad feeling last night.  For some reason, I was dreading going to the office today.  Granted, the post coital test was freaking me out, but it was more than that.  The dread was still there when I woke up this morning and it  persisted all through the appointment.  After that, it just put me in a bad/gloomy mood (more so than usual).  But, because of the gloominess that was there when they called with these test results, it didn’t feel as bad as I thought it was going to.  It sucks.  I really really really sucks, but I’m not curled up in the fetal position in the shower bawling.  I’m saving that for after next week’s appointment. 😉

If you’ve never had a post coital test, it’s a lot like a pap smear.  A really awkward pap smear…  They ask you when you had intercourse the night before and then get to it.  I had some cramping afterwards.  It wasn’t awful and the nurses are totally used to it.

I don’t really know what to think about this.  It’s silly to draw conclusions until we have the whole month’s worth of data, but it’s hard to not see the very worst in this situation.  In my head, we’re going to be jumping straight to an IUI, but in reality tweaking my estrogen levels might fix everything.  It’s impossible to know for sure until after next week’s test.

We could be receiving some heartbreaking information a week from now.  Or we could be filled with a renewed hope.  I can’t focus on it though.  I can’t keep thinking about it like I am because it’s not doing any good.  I’m so thankful we have our house to think about now.  We’re still looking at August 30 for closing.  That’s just 28 days from now.  4 weeks.

We spent some time at Home Depot this evening picking out the hardwood floors we want to put it the living room, dining room, hallway, and bedrooms, and the white subway tile we’re putting in the kitchen and bathroom.  I’ve got almost all of my books packed up.  22 boxes of books are chilling in my living room right now.  We’ve picked out paint colors.  I just have to keep moving towards that goal.  Keep packing.  Keep thinking about decorating.  It makes me happy and I need all the happy I can get.

And Finally… Good News!

After so much bad lately, we’ve finally got some wonderful news!  We got our house, blue kitchen and all!!  We’re going to be homeowners!!

We got an email with the “unofficial” yes this evening.  They just need to file some paperwork and we can schedule a closing date.  They’re aiming for August 20 right now.  I’m so happy to have something good to look forward to. 🙂  And all of the painting and packing and moving will keep me nice and busy, which is exactly what I need right now.

It’s an adorable 3 bedroom ranch with a living room, dining room, eat in kitchen, family room, and big bay window for the cats.  It’s too big for us, but we’re still hoping. 🙂

20 minutes after we got our email, Jeremy and I were in the car on our way to visit our house.  It’s only 10 minutes from where we’re living now.
I’m hoping this is just the first in a long line of good news.  We’re 12 days past “ovulation” today, part of me is hoping that Dr. B is wrong and I did manage to ovulate this month and we’ll get to celebrate double good news.  I know, I’m being greedy. 😉  I’m definitely feeling better today; still very tired (maybe even more so), but WAY less sore than I’ve been.  I’ll take extra sleepy over pain any day.

We picked up some small boxes at Home Depot this evening so I can start packing the non-essentials over the next couple weeks.  First up, my hundreds of books.  Thank goodness for moving companies. 😉
Alice is “helping”..