Golden Birthdays, The Golden Year

The past 48 hours have brought a huge array of emotions of every kind.  Spending time with my family has been wonderful.  The anticipation of my birthday was not so wonderful.  My actual birthday wasn’t so horrible.  Christmas was fun and light.  Realizing the last time I was at my mom’s cabin I was pregnant was exhausting.  Remembering the baby who still should have been here, growing strong and healthy, was a little bit agonizing.

Yesterday, I turned 25.  It was my golden birthday.  When I first learned what a golden birthday was, I was sad that I had to wait all the way until I turned 25 to actually celebrate it.  Suddenly, it was here and the desire to celebrate was gone.  But this is a special birthday.  This is a special age.  Because this next year is going to be golden.  It’s going to be special and wonderful.  It’s going to glimmer and sparkle.  It’s going to be a year of good things.

At least, that’s what I’m going to tell myself.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!

Hugh Jackman

I love Hugh Jackman even more now for commenting on the infertility/miscarriage topic: http://celebritybabies.people.com/2012/12/18/adoption-miscarriage-infertility-hugh-jackman-katie-couric-appearance/

The video is even better than the article.

<3

 

❤

Winter Break and Chiro Updates

Welll, finals are over and winter break is finally here.  I’m more than ready for this chance to relax and work on some projects around the house that have been put off since we moved in.  Our goal over winter break is to get the pantry/laundry room put together.

I LOVE my laundry room.  It’s right off the kitchen and makes doing laundry so crazy convenient.  BUT, the room itself is poorly utilized.  There’s a built in desk, a shelf above the washer/dryer, and a couple cabinets sitting on the floor.  There’s a TON of wall space just begging for shelving.  While we don’t necessarily need the extra space, it’s silly to not use it.  Hopefully we’ll need it eventually.  We’re also going to put a door up.  Right now, you can see right into it from the dinning room.  The water softener is not the most attractive appliance we own.

I’m hoping to start working on that as soon as we get home from Christmas — we’re going to my mom and step dad’s cabin on the 24th and staying until the 26th or 27th.  I was originally apprehensive about going away for Christmas, but the idea is growing on me.  I haven’t woken up on Christmas morning with both of my sisters in 8 or 9 years, so it will be special.  That was one of the things I missed most after I got married, but I wanted Jeremy and I to do our own thing Christmas mornings, to start our own traditions.  Throw in the fact that my birthday is on Christmas and things get all kinds of complicated. 😉

Which brings me to… 25.  A week from tomorrow and I’ll be turning 25. It’s my golden birthday.  I’m feeling better about my birthday this year than I did last year.  I’m assuming it’s because life is more on track and has the potential to be so much more.  I still have no desire to celebrate.  I used to love my birthday and planning birthday events, but it seems like a waste of time now.  It’s a reminder that someone is missing.  Maybe I’ll change my mind next week and plan a belated birthday party, but maybe not.  Last Christmas was excruciating.  I’m crossing my fingers that this year will be better.

Some new news on the chiropractic front.  I met with Dr. G’s wife — Dr. G 😉 — and I think she’s becoming my primary chiropractor.  Which is fine with me.  She’s super sweet and is obviously a wealth of knowledge.  She’s got me on a crazy overload of vitamins because she thinks I’m horribly deficient in almost everything.  I’ve been taking a prenatal vitamin for more than 2 years now, but she’s doubled that on top of everything else she prescribed.  She thinks she can help me sleep better at night, help with my digestive problems, lower my stress levels, heal my pelvis, and help me get pregnant.   I’m hopeful.  I’m willing to give it time to work.  They checked Jeremy out over the weekend, assuming he would have some kind of contributing factor to all of this.  No.  They actually said he’s perfect.  It’s just me.  Of course.  But they think they can fix it, not just treat it, so that’s really all that matters.

Our real concern now? birth control… fml.

Lost Greyhound?!

Tuesday had the potential to be one of the worst days of my life.

After working on my lesson plans all morning, I stopped to take a break to take the dogs out and spend a few minutes with them.  Our backyard isn’t fenced in yet.  That means whenever we take the dogs out, they have their martingale collars and leashes on.  When greyhounds run, they run fast and they don’t stop.  They’re the second fastest land mammal after the cheetah.

We’re still working on potty training with Snow White, so we usually let Skill Set in and keep her out a little longer.  While I was walking back in with Snow White, Skill Set slipped past me and out the back door.  Without his leash.  He ran towards the front of the house.  By the time I got there, he was gone.

When we adopted both greyhounds, we got a copy of a Lost Greyhound flyer.  I assumed we would never have to make copies of it.  The first thing I did was call our adoption rep who lives a few blocks away.  She came right over and drove around the few blocks nearest our house.  After 10 minutes, she left to call in more greyhound owners.  Greyhounds flock to other greyhounds.  I called my sister, my mother-in-law, my mom, and Jeremy.  My sister and mother-in-law hurried right over to help look while I called the police and Animal Control and started making flyers.  We live right by a busy highway with a large wooded area right beyond that.  If he got into the trees, it might be days before we would find him.  If he got hit by a car, he might never come home.  After getting a bit hysterical, Snow White and I started walking, handing a flyer to everyone we saw, and yelling his name.  We knocked on our neighbor’s doors and asked them to keep an eye out for him.  My sister and mother-in-law started driving through our neighborhood again.  And then they branched out.  He could have been anywhere, even miles away.

Only about an hour after he got out, my sister called to say she found him in a subdivision north of our house trotting down a sidewalk.  He hopped right into her car and she brought him right home.  He was safe and uninjured.

We are so lucky.  So lucky that he ran north instead of west onto the highway.  So lucky that he’s so personable and didn’t run away from her.  So lucky that he didn’t run farther.  So lucky that my sister went down that exact street when she did.  So lucky he was only missing for an hour.

I should have been so mad at him, but all I wanted to do was hug him and keep him near me.  He was so tired the rest of the day.  These dogs are our babies in such a different way than the cats are.  They require so much more care and attention and I’m more than willing to give it to them.  I never would have forgiven myself if something had happened to him.

The new rules mean Skilly has to be locked up in another room or in his crate if we take Snow White outside without him and all leashes stay on until every door is shut tight.  We are, without a doubt, putting a fence up in the spring.    ❤

Birth Control Optional 2.0

I went in to see Dr. G again today.  The first thing we did was go over my x-rays from Saturday.  He thinks my main problem is my pelvis: it’s sprained…. SPRAINED!  He said based on my x-rays, it’s been sprained for at least 10 years, maybe longer.  He said it could have happened when I was learning how to walk and fell wrong.  Or it could have happened when I was a basket ball player — I fell a lot because I was a boss like that.  Or I jumped off of something wrong as a teenager.  Or I fell out of bed once and hit it just right.  The possibilities as to what happened are endless and really don’t matter because he thinks he can fix it and completely eliminate my lower back and hip pain.  Doing so should also make my infertility disappear (or at least lessen).  The only reason it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older is because I’m far less active than I was as a teenager and the muscles that were cushioning everything just aren’t cutting it anymore.

The only bummer?  As he starts to fix it, in theory, I’ll become more fertile.  But it will be a few months before my pelvis is healed enough to carry a baby without miscarrying again.  While he couldn’t outright tell me not to try, he did tell me if we continue to try, we probably wouldn’t like the outcome.   So, for the first time in 2+ years, we’re back to preventing a pregnancy.  Out of control.  BUT, this is so preferable to losing another baby.

He said we should aim for May, or April if we’re really desperate.  I can do that.  He’s given us a very good reason and I have a goal to work towards that I’ll be able to feel.  I’ve also registered for 3 graduate classes in the spring, so I can focus on those without any distraction.  By the time spring semester is over, it will be time to try again.  Plus, I’m seeing him 3 times a week.  Yikes!

He started adjusting me today as well.  He cracked my neck (it’s tight and doesn’t curve the correct way, so why not?) and started working on re-positioning my pelvis.  It hurt at first, but felt better afterwards.  I think he’s moving something though, because it’s pretty uncomfortable tonight.  He’s also having me ice my back at least once a day… Apparently heat is bad bad bad for pelvis sprains.  Just think of all those years of HOT baths… In my bathtub.. Oops. 😉

The last thing I’m going to tell you is what I wish someone would have told me… If you’ve never been to a chiropractor and you’re having your lower back and hips examined at your consultation , wear real underwear, not a skimpy thong, and shave your legs…  Because I didn’t do either and it was mortifying…

You’re welcome.

I have 3 more lesson plans and 1 final exam to go until Winter Break!  I’m writing a final unit plan on this book.  Yes.  That is what our education system has come to. 😉  In my unit plan’s defense, I’ve created a course on classic literature and its modern counterparts and I’m having my students compare this modern vampire novel to Dracula.  So it works.  Somehow.

24: 2 Years and Moving On

Cycle 24 started on Friday.  And, it’s official.  We’re quitting the RE.  At least for now.

We saw the chiropractor (Dr. G) this morning.  After a in depth exam, he told me he thinks we’re really straight forward and he thinks he can help us.  My right sacroiliac joint is really out of place, plus quite a few vertebrae up and down my spine.  He showed us how your sacrum is connected to all of your reproductive organs and when things are pinched, it reduces blood and energy flow to those organs.  He said it all probably stemmed from some injury that could have happened any time, even when I was a baby.

He said if I was to get pregnant, I wouldn’t stay pregnant for long.  We hadn’t told him about our miscarriage yet.  But that also means that going through with another IUI probably wouldn’t be the best idea right now.  I don’t think we can handle losing another baby any time soon.  He asked us to give him 4 to 6 months to work on adjustments.  And then… he thinks we’ll be able to get pregnant… NATURALLY!

We were nervous about breaking away from Dr. B, but the thought of no more medication and the idea of getting pregnant all on our own sounds too good to pass up.  PLUS, this is the first doctor who has given us a reason for my infertility and hasn’t just thrown medicine and procedures at us.

So, we’re going to let Dr. G do his thing for a few months and see what happens.  If, after he fixes everything, we’re still not pregnant, we’ll go back to Dr. B and maybe it will only take one IUI to do the trick.

I’m hesitant to get on board with Dr. G’s positivity– Dr. B was the one who told us we’d be getting pregnant the first month we tried gonal-f…  But I am feeling much more positive than I felt about doing a 3rd IUI.  Especially if this might be the reason we lost the baby.  I’m cautiously optimistic.  I’m looking forward to working with a new doctor.  I’m so happy that I won’t be taking anything more than vitamins.

The bummer?  I already ordered 3 more 450 unit Gonal-f pens.  They’ll be here on Tuesday and will live in the fridge until we get pregnant and donate them or until we realize leaving Dr. B was a big mistake and go back in for another IUI. 😉

One year ago, we had been trying for a year.  We were beaten down and discouraged by test results and failure.  This past year of trying was the hardest year of my life.  But, as we enter the beginning of our 3rd year, I’m thankful that we started trying so early, while we were so young, so that we have time to try new ideas before its too late.

Regret

One of my best friends found out she was pregnant the day after we found out we were losing our baby.  Not wanting to break our hearts any more than they already were, she wrote us a beautifully sweet letter.  In it, she wrote how sorry she was for our loss, that she loved us so much, that she never wanted to have to hurt us, but that she didn’t want to keep anything from us either.

She told us that she didn’t expect us to be excited for them.  She didn’t expect me to want to talk to her or see her and that I could take as much time as I needed.  Knowing how worried she probably was about the whole situation, I called her as soon as I read it and told her how happy I was for her.  They have two boys and I know she was hoping for a girl. 🙂  She was a week behind where I would have been.

Over the past couple months, it became harder and harder to be positive for her.  We didn’t talk as much.  I had to take her updates off of my facebook newsfeed.  I had to unfollow her on pinterest.  I felt bad, but just didn’t want to feel any jealousy towards this wonderful friend of mine.

Yesterday, at 12 1/2 weeks, they found out they lost their baby.  I immediately regretted not being more involved and calling more and asking more questions.  How could I be such a horrible friend?  Their world is turning upside down.  The loss they are feeling is unimaginable.  I’m so sorry, Jessica. 😦

Chiropractic Infertility Treatment

I LOVE this graphic.  I found it on pinterest and can’t find the source.  But I just thought it was so perfect.

  Still waiting on my period to start.  I’ve had a little spotting off and on, but nothing more yet.  Of course.  If it starts today, or even tomorrow, we still have a shot at an IUI this month.  BUT, I finally made another appointment with Dr. B.  We haven’t seen him since the end of our monitoring cycle in August and I just really need to know where we’re at and what he thinks.

I want to pick his brain about a diagnosis.  Will he want to do a lap?  I’m just not content with his wait and see/ conservative approach and I want to know why my cycles continue to be so wonky despite the huge amounts of extra hormones we’re pumping into my body.  So we go see him again two weeks from yesterday.

I also made an appointment with a local chiropractor to get my uterus, my hips, and my lower back checked.  My cousin and her husband are chiropractors and really advocate using adjustments to keep the whole body healthy.  I chatted with her last night about it and she said there are a lot of connections between your hips, lower back, and uterus.  I wish I could go see them, but they live in Grand Rapids. 😦 I’m going to see this guy on Saturday morning.  I’ve always had a lot of hip and lower back pain, so maybe there’s something to this.   Any tips or personal experiences about chiropractic infertility treatments?

In other news, I’m pushing through final projects.  One week from tonight and I’ll be done for the semester!  I’m drinking too much coffee and not getting nearly enough sleep.  And I’m definitely not eating well.  Prenatal vitamins?  Oopsies…  Thank goodness we took this cycle off.

On Tuesday, Snow White had her first vet appointment.  It went well.  Afterwards, we met my sister and her goldendoodle, Mr. Smith, at the dog park so the cousins could play together.  Snow White never stops running. 😉

It’s finally cooling down here (again).  The greyhounds are back in their jackets when we go outside.  And they’ve both fallen in love with our wood burning fireplace. 😉

 

 

COME ONNNN, WINTER BREAK!!

I was listening to the radio this morning while I was running errands and they were talking about the best places in the world to be pregnant and have a baby in terms of comfort, safety, and cost.  Not surprisingly, the US didn’t even make the top ten.  At the top of the list was Switzerland followed by Australia.  Bébé Suisse and Laughing Promises, I’m coming to live with you when we get pregnant. 😉

Nothing new here.  I’m taking advantage of feeling good this cycle by getting things done around the house and finishing all of my final projects (aka consuming lots of caffeine).  I’d forgotten how good it is to feel normal.  Not injecting myself or popping pills all month has been glorious.

I’m waiting anxiously for my period to start now.  If it starts before Friday, we should be able to go ahead with our 3rd IUI in December.  If it starts anywhere from December 8 through December 12, we will probably have to wait until January.  As much as I’ve enjoyed this month off, I would like to get this show on the road.  Especially because I’ll be on winter break for December’s IUI and won’t have to worry about getting things done.  I can be free to obsess about my angry uterus.

I am 1  2 minute movie creation about community and school politics, 1 power point on the same topic, 6 final lesson plans, 1 two page paper about school observations, 1 essay annotation, 4 tutoring hours, and 1 final exam away from winter break.  I am so ready for this.

We took advantage of Chicago’s 60 degree weather yesterday and put our Christmas lights on the house.  It looks so pretty. =)

Also, I finished Skill Set’s Christmas jacket.  Although, since it’s supposed to get to 70 degrees today, I’m not sure he’s going to get to wear it this year..