Negative Nancy

7 Aug

I am not in a good place.  Well, actually, I’m in a better place than I was last night and this morning, when the most I could manage was staring at the ceiling and sobbing.  Yea.  I suppose right now, I’m resigned.

I don’t think this transfer worked.  Last transfer, I knew I was pregnant 5 days post transfer.  I felt pregnant.  I felt so positive.

This time, 6 days post transfer, there’s no hint of a second line and I feel so not pregnant it’s ridiculous.  Even though I’m still taking all of my medications, my progesterone tummy has started going away.  My boobs don’t hurt.  I’ve finally started sleeping again.  Food doesn’t have more or less appeal than normal.  Other than wanting to cry constantly because I’m just so gosh darn sad,  I feel like I did before I started my transfer meds.  And it sucks.

I know every pregnancy is different.  I’ve heard it from everyone already.  I know I don’t necessarily want to feel like I did last time, because look how that turned out.  I know.  I know it’s still somewhat early.  But I can’t help but feel that there’s no little person inside of me.  My gut feeling is telling me that there’s nothing there.

I’m a hot mess.  Thank goodness for Jeremy and that he works from home these days.  Being alone while we wait for the end of this would be so incredibly brutal.

Beta is Sunday morning.

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6 Responses to “Negative Nancy”

  1. Carla August 7, 2014 at 10:21 pm #

    Praying for you!!!

  2. chon August 7, 2014 at 11:03 pm #

    I hear you sister. I hear you.

  3. BrookeA August 8, 2014 at 10:34 am #

    Oh man – its still very early. After my transfer, my doc didn’t do the beta until 14dp5dt. It was FOREVER, but his reasoning was that sometimes even though the embryo is a little older, it takes time to implant and start. Here is a good schedule of how long it takes for HCG after a transfer to even start entering the bloodstream and even in the beginning it could be so little that you would still not be seeing positives:

    http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer

    I would say to try to hold out and wait for the blood test. I was convinced mine didn’t work and I refused to test because I couldn’t see one more damn blank pee stick (of course I kinda cheated and tested SUPER early – but its because I knew it would be positive because I had just taken a booster HCG shot – i just wanted to see that fake positive – we IFers are crazy like that). Somehow I managed to wait for the last week and got the best call of my life while at work. Try to stay positive. I know its hard and you’ve been on this very long, complicated and painful journey. You still have two more embryos 🙂 (worst case scenerio) and its not over til its over.

    You’re in my thoughts.

  4. Not-So-Fertile Girl August 9, 2014 at 8:23 am #

    I am praying chica!

  5. Stefanie @ My Crazy Beautiful Life August 9, 2014 at 11:00 am #

    Sending prayers to you.

  6. angela August 10, 2014 at 10:49 am #

    Thinking of you, hon.

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