Oh, Hi There.

Hello.

Nice to see you.

2 months, eh?  Who knew?  Time really does fly when you’re having fun.  And when you’re distracted.  Distractions are the best.  THE BEST.

I started my new job 2 months ago and I LOVE it!  I moved into full time this past week and it’s been wonderful.  It’s a great company, full of great people, with great benefits (including SO MUCH FABRIC!)!

Other than that, we’ve started house hunting here in North Carolina.  I think we’re really here to stay.  We found a short term rental to move into while we continue to house hunt.  It’s tiny.  Like half the size of our current house.  I can’t wait.  This next house?  We’re buying it for us.  Just us.  No potential extra little people.  Just us as we are right now.  It’s going to be our house.  Maybe the dogs will have their own bedroom.

Our 2 embryos are still frozen in Raleigh, where they’ll stay for the foreseeable future.  Our Dr at UNC almost had me talked into a December transfer after 2 months of lurpon and an endometrial biopsy/scratch.  Almost.  And then I found myself having a mild panic attack at work when I thought about using our last embryos and going through the hell that is IVF again.  So frozen they’ll stay.  Our little frozen backup plans.  We’ll use them eventually.  We didn’t create them only to leave them frozen.  But we want to enjoy life for a while.  4 years is enough.  4 years of life being on hold while we try to force something that obviously isn’t happening right now.

So we’re living and just being.  And breathing.  And relaxing.  And trusting that God has a greater plan than repeated failed IVF attempts for us and that our story will include more than multiple miscarriages.

Having accepted this, life has become so much more peaceful and so much easier.  We’re enjoying our family as it is and rolling with anything that comes our way.  It’s sweet and perfect.  Everything else in our life seems to be falling into place.  It seems like once we stopped fighting this, things started moving forward.

I want children.  Badly.  Babies still make me so weepy.  But I’m choosing to be content and joyful with what I have.  The sadness that was consuming me was no way to live.  We lived like that and with that for longer than we should have.  I want to love my life.  I want to love the people in my life.  I’m loving the life we’ve built here and I’m so excited to see what comes next.

I don’t know how much I’ll blog now.  For once, I don’t have a lot to say.   But I’m still here.  And we’re still moving on. 🙂