In Terms of Arnolds…

When we had our first meeting with Dr T and he told us that I am an excellent candidate for Lupron Trigger Protocol, he told us he would be throwing everything he had at us.  And we, being excited and hopeful, said, “WOOOOOHOOO, IVF!”

My estrogen hit just over 2000 yesterday. ?!?!  It’s expected to hit 3000 by the time I go in for monitoring tomorrow morning.  Lord have mercy, I am SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE!  I’m still at a doubled dose of gonal-f and menopur.  He’s still trying to bulk up the smaller follicles.
At my appointment yesterday, my nurse guessed that I’d have between 10 and 12 follicle for retrieval.  That’s much better than 7 and they’re not done growing yet.  In terms of Arnolds, this is how they looked yesterday:

The left is rather unimpressive.  Happy to be here, but only sporting 2, maybe 3 13mm follicles.

The right, however, is a beast.  10+ nice size follicles with many smaller ones as well.  It means serious business. 😉

So I inject again tonight and the plan is to trigger tomorrow and then go in for the retrieval on Friday.  Hopefully tomorrow’s blood work will support that, because I am ready for this to be over.  I’m thankful that we get the opportunity, but IVF is no fun.

We might actually have some embryos this weekend!! 🙂

14,16,16,17,19

Today, I went in for another monitoring appointment.  I was feeling so full, uncomfortable, and exhausted; I half expected to be told to trigger and come in tomorrow morning for IUI #4.

Not so much.  These follicles are going to keep cooking for a couple more days.  
The reasoning for that full, fuzzy feeling: 5 follicles.  I had a mild panic attack while I was laying on the ultrasound table without my pants on.  The ultrasound tech tried to assure me that she thought at least one of them wouldn’t make it.  Still… 4 follicles.  Yikes.  

Today, they’re measuring at 14mm, 16mm, 16mm, 17mm, and 19mm.  And my estrogen is a whopping 706

I keep my cycle charts on the fridge.  After each monitoring appointment I list how many follicles, their sizes, my estrogen level, lining size, and any other pertinent information.  One year ago today, I started my very first injectable cycle with Dr. B.  Looking back at my chart, I frequently recorded: 1 follicle, E2: 245, 2 follicles, 1 follicle, E2: 142, 1 follicle, E2: 296….  Today’s “5 follicle, E2: 706” looks ridiculously out of place.  I’ve never had more than 2 follicles mature at once and my estrogen has NEVER been higher than 296.

I think it’s safe to say the lurpon did it’s job.  I think it’s also safe to say that the endometriosis was, without a doubt, affecting my ability to create quality follicles. 

5 follicles. Nobody say the “t” words… Or the “q” words…

I’m taking one 112.5 unit dose of gonal-f today, one 75 unit dose of gonal-f tomorrow, triggering on Wednesday, and our 4th (and hopefully final) IUI will occur Thursday morning.  My guess?  We’ll end up with 4 mature follicles.  

I’m going to go throw up now…

Penguin Tuxedos and Family Heirlooms.

At this morning’s monitoring appointment, they found 1 follicle.  The others stopped developing.  My one follicle is measuring at 19mm at day 15.  While it’s a bummer that the other three stopped, I keep telling myself that 19mm is huge for me.  At day 21 last month, I only had an 18mm follicle.  As much as I wanted to increase our chance with a couple eggs, it only takes one egg to make a baby.  Over the past couple weeks, I’ve had a lot of people ask me about follicles and what that means, click here for a neat clip on follicle development and ovulation.

The ultrasound tech started preparing me for the possibility of needing an IUI (intrauterine insemination).  She told me that if this post coital test was bad again, that would probably be what was recommended next. Out of the 2 post coital tests I’ve had so far, they’ve never seen a live sperm.  My body is deadly….  I told her I was totally down with that; that I just want this to be over.

BUT, the IUI is off the table for now.  My estrogen came back at 140.  Still not where we want it, but definitely improving.  AND as for the post coital test….  They found 75% motility in the sperm outside of my cervix. WOOO!!  My body isn’t the mean, killing machine we thought it was. 😉  Dr. B wants me to continue with 75 units of Gonal-F today and tomorrow and then repeat blood work and ultrasound on Wednesday.  We’re hoping for a 21mm follicle and higher estrogen.

I’ve heard Dr. B has no problem cancelling a cycle at the last minute if he thinks there’s no chance.  I completely appreciate that.  I don’t want to put any more medication into my body than I absolutely have to.  But since he hasn’t cancelled us yet, I’m going to keep hoping we have a chance. 🙂

Our weekend was busy, but good.  It started with a large box of injectable medicines being delivered Saturday morning with this sticker on the box:

 

I have no idea what penguins in tuxedos have to do with not freezing your medications, but hey.  Jeremy was home to sign for them and sent me a reassuring text that he stuck them safely in the freezer.  He thinks he’s so funny… 😉

 

I mentioned that my cousin, Tina, was going to be in town for the day on Saturday.  She brought my niece some awesome horses and a beautiful quilt that her grandmother (my great grandmother, Calli’s great great grandmother) made.  Then she said she had something for me, but she didn’t want me to cry (not an easy request these days).

She brought me this dress that had been hers when she was a baby.  She had been saving it for if she ever had a daughter.  Her grandmother, my great grandmother, made this dress as well.  The selflessness of this gift, the fact that it is such a precious family heirloom, and Tina telling me that she knows I’ll get to use it one day were too much and found us both crying.

After my parents got divorced 16+ years ago, my sisters and I lost a lot of contact with my dad’s extended family.  We’ve slowly started reconnecting with them now that we’re all adults.  My brother and I went to my dad’s uncle’s funeral in January partially for that purpose.  No one else from our family went, but we had such a nice time talking to people who knew my parents when they were kids.  I mentioned in that post how sad I was to have lost so much time with these people.  Tina is another one of those people who I’m so sad that we didn’t know better as we were growing up.  She didn’t know I had gotten married until over a year after, and I didn’t know she’d gotten married until 10 years after. 😦

Right now, I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to give away something I’ve saved for my own babies.  It would be heart breaking.  She’s such a beautiful person.  I’m more than blessed to have such a wonderful first cousin, once removed. 🙂

Infertility sucks.  But it’s causing me to become closer to my family and making me realize how incredibly important they are.

I’m still packing like a champ.  Our final walk through is tomorrow and we close the day after tomorrow. 🙂

Mini Follicles

I’m getting ready to call shenanigans on Dr. B’s positivity in this cycle.

I went in for my CD 12 untrasound/blood work/post coital test this morning.  I’ve been having a lot of lower back pain and everything I’ve read said that usually means your follicles are growing nicely.  I was expecting to see a few 18mm+ follicles on the scan.  Just kidding…

She found 4 larger follicles, and by larger I mean 12 to 14 mm each.  Thanks for nothing, Gonal-F.  I had one that big at last month’s CD 13 appointment without meds.  Also, the post coital test revealed exactly zero mobile sperm…  Since Jeremy’s last  test was great, I’m going to assume my very hostile body is killing everything.  Isn’t that special?

The one thing that makes me think we might be moving in the right direction is that my estrogen level is double what it was at this time last month.  109.  Still way too low, but much much better than 53.  They’re not giving up the cycle yet.  I’ve got another box of Gonal-F and will continue with 75 units once a day through the weekend.  They’re going to scan everything again on Monday and go from there.  I’m wondering if Dr. B will be at all interested in converting to an IUI if Monday’s post coital is bad again.  The Gonal-F is starting to burn when it’s injected.  I’m hoping I just hit a nerve yesterday and that’s not going to be the norm.

I’m going to try not to think about it for the weekend.  My second cousin is going to be in town tomorrow for a few hours and we never get to see her, so it will be nice to spend some time together. 🙂  PLUSSSS, our closing date changed.  TO NEXT WEDNESDAY! Yes, they moved it up.  5 days and counting to home-ownership.  🙂  I booked our moving company today too.  We officially move into the new house two weeks from tomorrow.   Also, grad school starts on Wednesday.  Out. Of. Control.

In all honesty, this is probably the best time for a failed cycle to happen.  We’re so busy with moving and school and work that I haven’t had much time to think and obsess about what’s going on.  That’s what we pay Dr. B and the nurses to do.  I’m less invested in this cycle than I’ve ever been.  I’ll be disappointed, but I’ve got enough to focus on that it won’t be nearly as crushing as past cycles.  Unless we switch to an IUI and then all bets are off and I’ll probably fall apart.  You know.

Packing is well underway though… The cats are having panic attacks. 😉